After Life

Soon

Three weeks had passed, everything was slow around here. Since the last encounter with The Safe zone, Negan had me moved to his room. My stomach it's starting to swelled up. I think I am around two months pregnant. Not sure, the Sanctuary does not have a sonogram machine. My pregnancy is still at risk, the first trimester is always the hardest. I have been able to avoid heavy lifting and chores since Negan has had me in lockdown. Plus I have been bedridden because of the morning sickness.
Dwight and Daryl visit me when Negan is not around. Most night I sleep with him, I am now in the wife category. His "only" wife apparently. Sometimes I see kindness and love in his eyes, but usually they are filled with anger. Most nights we fight. Verbal arguments, that end up in sex because I don't want to hear him. I am truly a slut.

I'm laying on bed looking at ceiling when Negan walks in.

"Hey sweet mama." He says as he's taking his leather jacket off. He jacket it's pretty sweet, makes him look all manly and hot.

I shake my head, but the thought of Negan is still there. "Good evening Negan."

"You look like shit sweetheart." He says with a smile on his face. Asshole.
"Well, this is what I get from fucking you." I whispered yelled at him.

He walks to bed and sits down next to me. "James, you are a lucky girl. You should be thanking me for putting a baby in your belly."

"I hope he gets your looks and not your attitude or your dirty mouth." I scold, he is laughing at me. He is an interesting individual, psychotic and charismatic.

"I'm making myself a drink. You want anything?" Is he asking me if I need anything?

In my head I'm imagining the world I knew before. I'm still bedridden and he is getting me ice cream, rubbing my feet. Feeling the baby while it moves, giving my stomach kisses. I smile at my stupid daydream. This man has no compassion, and he will never be that type of man. I don't even know how he was before this.
"Something cold, please." For a second I think I saw compassion on his face, then it turn into his cocky face.

He brought me a cold cup of water, it's not much but it's better than nothing. I feel exhausted from all the vomiting. I lay back down and he lays next to me. We barely know each other... maybe I should start a conversation.
"Do you play any musical instruments? I played a few but my favorite was the piano. God, I had this beautiful white grand piano at my house. My dad got it for me for Christmas when I was ten..." he gets on his side and looks at me. 

"You can't handle the silence for too long, huh?" I shake my head. "And the answer is no. I was more into sports." I chuckle. "What?"

I turn to him. "I already knew that. You carry a fucking bat around." He smiles.

"My Lucille is awesome!" He shouts playfully.

"Where did you got the name?" I have seen the most angriest faces from Negan. But the way
that he looked at me after I said that was... weird. It was complete sadness. "I'm sorry. I didn't meant..."
He sits up, his back is all I can see now. "Lucille was the name of my wife." 

That makes sense. "You lost her to this?" He shake his head.

"She died of cancer." Oh no. His voice is starting to break.

"I'm sorry." I start to rub his back. 

"You and her have similar personalities." He turns to me. "You make a face when you know someone is bullshitting you, she did the same face to me." 

I chuckle and smile at him. "How long were you married for?" 

"Ten fucking years. I loved that woman." I can see he is being sincere with me. Though it's actually hard to see Negan as a loving caring husband. "How long were you married to your husband?"

"Three long years.... but only one and half was the worse time of my life." I feel my stomach. I know I shouldn't be happy I'm having a child in these circumstances, but I am. I am getting a chance to be a mother... after the world ended. I gotta say, I am a lucky girl.

"Do you have any names picked for the baby?" I'm very surprise he is asking me this.

"I actually have not thought about it. I think I like Neil. I like James too." I say winking at him. 

"God, I can't get over how gorgeous you are. Just like my Lucille." He says caressing my cheek. Did he just compared my beauty with his bat?

"No but seriously, maybe this is why I feel connected you. Because you look like the thing I have loved the most, my beautiful wife Lucille." Oh...

Negan named his bat after the thing he loved the most. His wife Lucille. At this moment I am feeling sorry for him. This man actually has feelings. It makes sense, I look like his dead wife, that is the reason why he didn't killed me the day we met. 

"You should get some rest." He says getting up. 

While he is putting his leather jacket back on we start to hear gun shots. A lot of them. "What the fuck?" He exclaims running out of the room.

Rick...