Assassinationklok

Disclaimer: I do not own Metalocalypse or Doritos. I only own the idea and the fanfiction.

WARNING: Contains blood, death and other material that could be sensitive to some. If you are squeamish or easily offended, I would not recommend this one. Now, onto the story!

The band sat around the table, dinner being welcoming after a concert. The concert was much like all the others; Fans cheering, Skwisgaar's amazing guitar solo, Murderface impressively playing the bass with his ding-dong and, of course, several deaths of both fans and klokateers. Jean-Pierre, the band's chef, served them various dishes, along with booze for each band member (Except for Toki, who preferred fruit juice.) They ate their food, unaware of what the government was planning

*Meanwhile with the government*

Dethklok is known for deaths at their concerts due to metal music and their band being cursed. However, this curse has been getting stronger over the years, as shown by the last concert." The leader stated with his hands locked together and a scowl etched onto his face. "I know how we can solve the problem." The older one rasped. The leader turned to face the one who spoke and replied, "What do you have in mind?". The atmosphere of the room felt chilled when he responded, "It's simple, we kill Dethklok." To that, the government began to formulate a plan...

*Time skip brought to you by Murderface playing the guitar with his ding-dong*

The plan the government agency had come up with was brilliant, albeit slightly complicated. The plan went as follows; Toki loved coffee and went to the same place to get his coffee every morning. So, for him, they decided to put poison in the coffee cup that they would serve to the Norwegian. Toki would drink the poisoned coffee and die. Nathan had a thing for Doritos. With this information they agreed upon the idea to put a unique virus strain that they had engineered into the bag of chips, then they would set the bag on the couch.They expected the ebony-haired male would eat the Doritos, get sick then die. Pickles did more drugs than the whole band put together. Armed with this knowledge, they decided to replace the Drummer's cocaine with glass crushed to a fine powder. What was planned to happen was that Pickles would inhale it, thinking it was cocaine. This would cut up the inside of his nose, lungs, and throat, killing him. Murderface enjoyed bourbon so they decided to poison a bottle of bourbon and set it on the nightstand near his bed. The plan was the bassist would drink the poisoned alcohol and die. Skwisgaar was a sucker for Swedish meatballs. Because of this, they decided to poison the meat that the chef would use for the meatballs. The poison would, of course, kill the guitarist. The officials decided to set the plan up so it would be ready tomorrow.

*Time skip brought to you by Doritos, the snack of champions*

The plan was completely set up and ready. The poisoned coffee waited at the rhythm guitarist favorite coffee shop, the contaminated Doritos sat on the couch, the cocaine was swapped for powdered glass, the poisoned bourbon sat on the nightstand and the innocent-looking poisoned meat awaited to be made into Swedish meatballs. Toki was the first to climb out of bed. "Well, I ams offs to gets my coffees!" Toki cheerfully stated to himself, patting his beloved teddy bear on the head before leaving. The long-haired brunette walked up to the counter and gave a five dollar bill to the clerk. In exchange she gave Toki his coffee, unaware that it was poisoned. He happily walked out the door with his beverage. Just as he was about to take a swig he saw a homeless old man sitting on the curb. "Poor olds man, I should helps hims." Toki sympathized. Toki's eyes brightened as he came up with an idea. He approached the old man, held out his coffee with and said, "Here, yous can has my coffees." The vagabond gratefully took the coffee and downed it. Toki smiled and walked back to Mordhaus, not realizing the man in rags who he had generously given his coffee to was now dead. Back at Mordhaus, Nathan was currently looking for a snack. He noticed the bag of Doritos on the couch in the corner of his eye. Before he could grab the bag of chips and devour them, a thought crossed his mind, "Wait, what if Charles set those there because he's trying to flirt with me?" Disgusted, Nathan picked up the bag like it was filled with dog poop and threw it out the window. The chips flew out of the bag and fell like daggers onto an unsuspecting group of klokateers below. Down the hallway, Pickles yelled, "Who took my cocaine stash?". He stood in the hall, foam forming in the corners of his mouth. "I ams sorries, I needed powdered sugars for my cookies," Toki mumbled sadly to the floor. Pickles sighed and stomped back to his room to find something else to get high off of. Toki brought the cookies that he made with "powdered sugar" to a local orphanage. Unfortunately, poor Toki did not know that he cooked with powdered glass, thus killing the children.

*Meanwhile in Murderface's bedroom*

The bass player groped for the poisoned bottle of bourbon on his nightstand. He accidently spilled the bourbon in the process of reaching for it. "Aw *riff*!" Murderface cursed and left the room in nothing but his confederate flag boxers. He ordered a nearby klokateer to clean the mess. The klokateer walked into the room, tripped over Murderface's boots and fell face first into the mess of glass shards and spilled poisonous bourbon. Meanwhile, Jean-Pierre was cooking dinner for Dethklok. He had prepared everything except the Swedish meatballs. He grabbed the poisoned meat and began to cook it. Suddenly, The meat in the pan caught on fire. "*riff*!" the chef cursed as he grabbed the flaming pan off the stove and dumped it out a nearby window. The meat fell onto a klokateer and scorched him to death. Some wolves came by and ate the corpse and the poisoned meat, killing them as well. Dethklok sat in the dining room for dinner after a long day.