The One: My Real Life Love Story

When did it all begin to fall apart?

Maybe it was the first time he left. Maybe it was the second time he left. It's a good question, and it's one I'd really have to ponder to be able to answer correctly. I don't really know what happened to me that changed me so drastically over the course of these past couple years, but I can't even seem to remember who I was before them. Everything seems to be so much more different now, I'm not even looking forward to Christmas, and it's all because I had to go and fall in love. Being in love was almost everything the movies told me it would be: Absolutely, and wonderfully.. fucking awful as shit, I wanted to just curl up in the fetal position in a pair of fuzzy pyjamas, with a bottomless carton of Ben&Jerry's half baked ice cream, and just eat myself to death.. but I digress..

In my defence, falling in love with the first kinda cute boy to pay you any real attention as a naive and neglected young girl, is the probably easiest thing in the world, and being forced to fall out if is probably the most painful. I feel like saying how easy it was makes it seem like it could have been anyone, but I felt like it was always meant to be him from the beginning. If I collected all the tears that I've cried over this one stupid boy, I'd probably have the equivalent to the amount of alcohol I consumed in a desperate attempt to drown my sorrows and forget all about him (A/N: Do not attempt to use this method of recuperation. It does not work. If anything it just makes it worse. Take it from me), but how can you forget your first love?

How can you forget the first mildly awkward, yet utterly sweet, kiss you ever had? The first time you held his clammy little hand? The painful but intimate and loving experience of losing your virginity? Nervously meeting his parents for the first time? Learning everything about each other over time, from favourite colour to biggest fear? The cute thoughtful gifts exchanged every holiday? Laughing together. Crying together. Fighting. Making up. No matter how badly you may want to, you can't just subtract years off of your life, or cut memories out of your mind, to spare yourself from the pain that a broken heart brings.

Before I embark on this whiplash inducing journey of telling you all my first, weirdly depressing, and sadly completely accurate, experience with love, I'd like to say that Jared (not even close to his real name, but you know "protecting the identity" and whatnot even though I doubt that he will ever read this) isn't that bad of a guy. No matter how he may be depicted in certain parts of this, at the end of the day, we're all flawed.. his flaws were just more apparent at some times during our rocky relationship. It takes two people to ruin one, and I take full responsibility for my part in the ultimate demise of "us". Heck, I may look even worse than him at most times, and I can totally accept that.

"So why now? You haven't been able to upload any of your other stories, but you can manage to upload this one? We want to hear about werewolves, and sex, and all that good stuff". Yeah, I understand, but that's a just a dumb story, I make it up as a go along, that love is not even real except for in my head, and if it's real in your head, maybe you can find out how it'll end for yourself. This is my life. I hope you all understand that I can't write anything else until I can manage get this out and create my own form of closure for you all to hopefully kind of enjoy simultaneously. It's the least I can do for you, and also the most I can do for you at the same time.

Today marks the 2 year anniversary of the first time that he ever kissed me and the 4 day anniversary of the last time I'll ever kiss him again. I'm not the world's best writer, and I don't claim or aim to be, but hopefully I can accurately convey what this love was, even though I feel like there are no words to really describe exactly what I'm feeling right now. I'll at least promise to try my best.

This memoir, or whatever you want to call it, is dedicated to all the broken hearted girls and boys out there reading this. If you feel worthless right now, and like no one could love you ever again, just know that I know exactly how you feel, and even though I may not know you personally, as one defeated, and very sad individual to another:

I Love you..

Just kidding, I don't, that's lame, but if I knew you, I'm sure I would, you beautiful soul.

Enjoy the read

Xox

-tastelikecandy