Breathe In

•14•

-Lena-

"I HATE YOU!"

"I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!" Mama screams back at me. I throw a dollar store vase at the wall, glaring at mama as I do it.

"I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN!"

"HOW DARE YOU?! I RAISED YOU IN MY HOME WITH LOVE AND YOU NOT ONLY DISRESPECT ME, BUT YOU JUST HAVE TO BE A NASTY OLD LESBIAN! YOU DISGUST ME!"

I hear sirens and sigh in relief as I lung at her throat, knocking her over(conveniently onto the couch) and grabbing her loosely.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT, IT'S WHO I AM!"

She lets out a growl of rage and slaps me, jerking my head to the side.

"Are you okay?" She whispers through her clenched teeth.

"Fine, let's keep going, they're almost here."

I let out a scream of pain and dramatically fall off the couch and on to the carpeted floor.
"YOU ARE A MONSTER!"

"AND YOU ARE A DISGUSTING CREATURE! NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU!"

Finally, the police bust through the doors and force us in to handcuffs.
"About freaking time," mama mutters under her breath and I grunt in agreement. That fight went on way longer than we agreed for it to.

•••

"Lena Dulce and her mother, Gabriella Cortes, were arrested today after a raging fight that resulted in the two's arrests. There trial dates are undecided at this moment at time. Gerold, back to you."

Gerold stares at the camera seriously. "Thanks, Linda. I'm here with Diane Cameron, one of Gabriella's neighbors. Diane?"

Diane looks dazed for a few seconds, but recovers quickly. I prepare myself for whatever my kind, elderly, gossip of a neighbor has to say.
"Those ladies were at each other's throats! I saw it myself from my window. They were shouting Spanish curses at each other... it was really quite frightening."

I gasp. "Ms. Diane!"

She continues. "I wouldn't trust those chicas if I were you. They are evil! They have bad auras! I've always been wary of them!" Her Irish lilt carries her harsh words over the wind as she nods furiously.

Mama turns the channel. "Wow. And to think, she attended all of your high school concerts."

I sigh and nod, not really in the mood to talk. Obviously, she feels differently.

"So, Lena." She scoots closer to me on the stiff green couch. "What are you going to do about Tori?"

My stomach drops and I groan. I didn't want to think about that for a while.
"I guess I have to talk to her."

She shakes her head. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. What do you want to do?"

I close my eyes and shake my head. "I don't know. I don't know if she'll forgive me if I say sorry. I don't really even want to apologize. I don't want to face her. After thinking she was a... lunatic, I saw her completely differently. It was scary. I'm scared, if I see her again, that I won't be able to stop seeing her like that."

She nods slowly, processing my words. "I can't say I understand what you're going through, because I've never had to deal with something like this, but I fully support whatever decision you make."

"Gracias, mama," I smile.

She smiles back. "De nada, mi amor. Get some sleep."

I nod and flick off the lights, moving to one of the small cots the department generously laid out for us.

•••

"Lena," mama whispers, shaking me gently. "Wake up. A lady here wants to speak to you."

"Go 'way," I groan, yawning loudly.

"Lena. Get up now." She smacks me upside my head, eliciting another groan from me.

In two minutes, I'm up and presentable.

"Hello, I'm Ms. Singh. Prison counselor here. I'm just checking up to see if you're okay?"

"At five in the morning?" I ask incredulously. Ms. Singh's brown skin flushes.

"Sorry about that," she apologizes. "I'm used to the inmates waking up at early hours, I didn't think-"

"It's fine. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," she notes. "You look exhausted."

"You did wake me up early," I reply.

"That's not it, Lena. Did you sleep well?"

I sigh. "I didn't get much sleep."

"Why do you think that was?"

"Thinking about Tori," I answer bluntly before my embarrassment kicks in.

"Tori? What about her?" She scribbles something on a notepad and I frown.

"Are you recording this?"

"Only for future references. No eyes other than mine read this," she promises much to my relief.

"Okay. Well, you saw the pictures. You know that something's going on between us."

She nods.

"But, when it came out that she had supposedly taken the pictures, I didn't take her side. I believed that she took the pictures. I saw the look on her face, like she was counting on me to believe her. When I didn't, I saw the despair and pain in her eyes, and I just left. I ran out."

"Have you apologized?"

I shake my head. "I'm scared to see her."

"And why is that?"

I explain to her how I had begun to picture Tori as this horrible monster in my mind back then, who had messed with my emotions to get up close pictures of me exposed(physically and emotionally) for her own gain.

"And now your afraid that if you see her again, that's all you'll be able to see."

I nod.

"Well, I hate to say it, but the only way to know is to visit her. I can see how being away from her is having a negative effect. She must have been special to you."

"It's so stupid. I know I shouldn't, not after only one kind of date, but I sort of love her. I feel a lot safer with her, and happier, and..." I sniff, my eyes feeling watery. "I just really want to see her, but I'm so afraid."

Ms. Singh pats me on my arm sympathetically. "If you're ready to rip off this band-aid, she's available right across the hall. I promise you it'll make you feel better."

I take a deep breath and glance at the door, butterflies batting in my stomach. Slowly, I nod.

Lord, give me the strength and courage to do this.