I don't remember the first few years of my life who truly does . Unless the have a tragic memory .The first solid memories I have are moving in to my new house at the age of four , breaking my collarbone also at the age of four . Looking for my older brother to get home off the bus .
I was told when I was younger I didn't like being touched or held . It wouldn't be till I spent twelve almost thirteen years on this planet way and then we were told I have Aspergers a mild form of Autism.
At five it wasn't really noticeable it's the first time their really in school. I was a little older then Most of my class mates because my birthday is December 4 which is the last month of the year. Making me 5 and a half when I started almost 6 and that was still okay because I was young and still growing .
At ten and half almost eleven was different then most kids in my fourth/ fifth grade split class . I was shy and quite while they were outgoing and loud . I still had a lisp most kids grow out of by the third grade. I would later play alone or with few others not a big group . Still Klutzy while they had stoped growing for a while and had grown into their bodies . Preferred a book to a big group of people .
When I entered the sixth grade I was eleven almost twelve and again their was big differences in me , the way I walked , talked and acted and the size of my group of friends . It lead to a year of bad bullying and thoughts that pass though the minds of the bullied at just twelve years old . I finally told my mom what was going on and that was the first and last year in that school.
My freshmen year of high school I meet one of my best friends he was starting his soft-more year and his first words to me were a sigh and the word freshmen before he helped me find my next class. I was fourteen and barely weighed a hundred pounds and was 5'1" not growing a lot till my soft-more and junior years and he has 6'1" and and most likely had 75 pounds on me at the time . I found my self truly this year getting into my school media class . I loved it the first month of the class the teacher a man I grew close to and considered a mentor though high school asked me if I wanted to join the Audio visual club were I would get to work dances and use better cameras where my passion laid . I said yes right way. Some of my best friends welcomed me into the club with warmth . Now for the first two years I was the only girl and and the youngest of the group so that laid to them doing things like play the way game for half an hour while we set up for a dance .
At sixteen in a half I started my junior year I had done a lot of growing reaching 5'6 and 1/2" and an hundred and ten pounds good height but i will never weigh a lot . Belts became a big part of keeping my pants up. I went from that small freshmen that was a fish out of water to this young lady that teachers where asking always to help them . I took a step back for AV club this year also focusing on AP classes and trying to figure out what else I like . That boy sighed at me and said freshmen all those years ago became my partner in Spanish his senior year . He has really bad ADHD and has trouble keeping still is I helped him focus and let him tell jokes with different levels of being okay for school. And he in turn become one of the first people I came out of the closet to . He and a another friend we're raised in a military environment . I told them don't ask don't tell when they were talking about getting me a date to prom being a middle / high school and small at that prom was open to all highs school. They just looked at me and said really and changed the gender to female . The second of them later told me he kinda guessed I was before I told them. It didn't bother them one bit .
Senior year I took a big step back into the tech club now called TSA and became the secretary taking notes for the meetings and typing them and making sure every one on the board signed them . I became someone that was all over the building for teachers not just my own being a TA for two class periods. I was asked to help my Spanish teacher explain the actions of two autistic young boys to her sixth grade classes and told I by her I should do it for a living . Went to my senior prom with most of my class of twenty five going out to dinner before there were eighteen of us at that table and had a blasted. Laughed and joked at friends giving . Played cards and skipped school for the first time at Senior Ditch day . Then we all gave the time honored excuse of we were sick. I walked with my classmates and received my diploma. Throw my cap with a shout and a laughing thinking I finally did it . We finally did it . At seventeen and a half to eighteen in a half .
Tomorrow I turn Nineteen what awaits me this year . I start school for winter quarter . Try to decided my major . Computers or animals I have been back and fourth for yeas still not sure which one is still going to win over the other . I will see my younger sister off to her freshmen year of collage before my twentieth birthday this year holds so many knows and so many more unknowns .
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I don't know if anyone but me will ever read this I wrote it for me to collect my thoughts as I reach nineteen and my last year of being a teenager . If you are not me go read my one shot disorder it explains living with Aspergers at the the busy holidays focused on the Fourth of July in America .
Wish me happy birthday.
~ Renegade Out
