A Book Written With Tears and Blood

Part 1: Feeling So Tired

(A/n: Should I even write an authors note?)

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I'm feeling so tired right now........

I remember I was always a fighter especially ever since what happened in 7th grade..........

Everyday was a battle against depression and anger..........

Yet now I can feel myself starting to become weak, starting to collapse.......

It's like there's weights hanging on my shoulders, like a have backpack that I'm cursed to carry...........

No matter if i stretch, take deep breathes, or massage my aching shoulders and back the next day will just be the same...........

Whenever I rest or lay down I can feel so much pain on my lower back that I must arche it in order to not feel pain.........

I don't know how long I can keep my hands still whenever I create or draw............

They shake as though they were under pressure....... but from what?..........the scars on my wrist?..........

Tears peak over my eye lids to escape as I know that my last talent that I would depend on to remind me that I can do something I can be unique with this skill is dissappearing..............

I am nothing without my hands, for I cannot have many talents as others do.........

My body strength is weak and pitiful that I should be laughed at.............

No longer can I keep calm now that I shake and lose my balance............

My voice is not silky or smooth as honey as others are when they vocalize their true self as I cannot for I am no good at keeping it steady...........

As a musical instruament my hands such the same, could not keep up and when I would practice I would only gain pain and stress...............

My face blained and unworthy of catching someones eye, everyday insecurity seems to become closer to me as I see beautiful enchantresses with perfect skin and body while mine is small and covered in scars...............

I cannot be a unique someone with out having something to defined me..............

I am a no one that cannot help you move with on with your life other than go away..........

With all this pain and heart ache my will to fight has dwindled to where I can no longer stand for myself............

Having no strength to cover my ears from their words that will haunt me till my death..........

Standing is such a pain till I fall on the cold ground and see that it's better to stay down..............

With all this misery I only have one goal to achive............

I just want to close my eyes.............

Drown out the voices in my head.............

And be finally free from this agony...........

As I take.........

My final breathe~.........