WRITTEN BY:
kebemamma
"I've hungered, hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time
Time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?"
- The Righteous Brothers, UNCHAINED MELODY
I have lost things
Umbrellas, pens, lucky underwear
my glasses, sometimes,
until I find them on my head all the while snickering at me
I'd snicker at me too except
I'm too busy going back and forth,
back and forth,
emptying my bag,
the drawers, my heart
until I reach down to peek under the bed, and it flops down,
right in front of me,
and I hear the snickering but I don't care,
I pick it up, hold it up to the light, hold on to it as tight
as I can a pair of plastic and glass spectacles without breaking them,
and exhale a sigh of relief
And those are just my glasses.
I lost you once.
I thought it's impossible to forget to breathe.
You are the air in my lungs, you're always there.
You will always be there.
I always hear your laughter
I always hear the clicking of the pen,
the clacking of the keyboard,
the crunch of potato chips at night
the tossing and turning are ocean waves that rock me to sleep—
I wonder why I didn't hear
the clicking of the suitcase
the clacking of the hardwood floor,
the crunch of tire against gravel when you drove away.
I wonder why I didn't hear the sobs.
If there's one thing I learned from loss, it's my gift of finding.
I found you, didn't I? Or did you find me? I couldn't keep score.
But we found THIS, and I promised to find you something better.
I promised a family of you and I together,
the only safekeeping we'll ever need.
I searched everywhere until everyone remembers my face;
you will never lose me in a crowd, or in any place, but I guess, you could lose things too.
You lost yourself and even I couldn't find you.
Do you know how it feels to have your world turned over?
Was God looking for something under the earth too?
Was He emptying out His drawer? 'Cause I'm here choking under a pile of neglect and missed chances I had with you.
But loss, over and over, is a thief in the night.
It takes away parts you thought have long gone, and that scares me.
If I get over you, will there be enough of me to go on living?
If I let you go, will I ever find out how it is to forget breathing?
These are questions I will never know the answer of.
There are more in my head if only I have one more chance to ask:
Did we want children?
What will be their names?
Will you forgive a man who forgot your face?
I search inside the chest for crumbs that lead to you
I reach down to peek under the rug hoping for a clue
but I end up on my knees
not getting up off the floor
begging
for another gasp of air
another shot of light
another sight of you will be enough to hold on tight
to your picture in my head 'cause it's fading away
what's left is my heart crushing and the heavy of its weight
The drawers will be left open
The furniture upturned
The door ajar and longing for your laughter's return.
