Unreachable

Chapter 21

"That's where it helps me, Nanuet." Anodien fell back, not wanting to believe what she'd heard. That's all I am, a replacement? The reveal that he didn't love her, however, that he never had, shook her to the core. I can't believe this...

Just like that, the pieces of her perfect day began to crack and shatter. At once, she felt the darkness of the past creeping back into her heart. I should have known, I should never have given him so much power, oh my gods, I can't stay here, but I can't leave... Anodien stood and fled, no particular destination in her mind.

She collapsed in the garden, a bed of white lilies hiding her from sight. A nearby trickling stream hid her cries from any listening ears. The Faeling rocked back and forth, her tears pouring from her eyes faster than they ever had. He doesn't love me, he lied to me! He never loved me he never loved me he nEVER LOVED ME! HE'S A LIAR HE LIED TO ME WHY DID HE LIE HE'S HEARTLESS!! Her mind continued to run in circles, and her chest squeezed from the agony.

Her heart felt like it was going to collapse or explode. There was too much pressure in her body, there was no way she was going to live out the next few minutes.

Anodien continued to lie there sobbing, replaying his words in her head. I thought he'd actually love me... I thought someone might actually care for me... for once in my life, I though I could be... I thought...

It's gone... all gone...

I don't want to go through all of this again! Why doesn't he love me? I'm just a replacement, he said I'm a replacement! I'm not enough for him... I was going to be his wife, I would have tried to make him happy... to give him a son, to help him create a family. But it's never enough. Not enough not enough not enough not enough...!

"IT'S NEVER BEEN ENOUGH!" Anodien shrieked, gouging out deep scars in the earth. "I've never been enough."

You have two options, Anodien, she told herself. You can confront him, fight him, hate him for his dirty lies. Or, you can go on, pretending that none of this happened. You can pretend that he loves you, you can always pretend. Go on, Anodien. Be a little actress. Lie to him and pretend you didn't hear a word.

...

Anodien's white dress hung off her shoulders. She didn't care whatsoever how she looked, or about the people surrounding her.

"Gwathel? Are you alright?" Minaethiel asked, tapping her sister on the arm. Anodien realized she had begun crying. The Faeling quickly wiped her tears off and gave Minaethiel the best fake smile she could muster.

"I just can't believe this is happening," Anodien responded truthfully. "All of this-- I didn't think it would happen." Minaethiel bought the manipulation and nodded rapidly.

"I understand," she sympathized. "When I married Gili, I couldn't believe it, either. But look at you! Marrying an Elven prince, lucky!" Anodien forced out a laugh, right after which the music began to play. Here we go.

The princess began to walk down the aisle, avoiding the blue gaze of her husband-to-be. When she reached the altar, she inspected him, and saw the signs that she'd missed before. His voice as he spoke his vows was nearly emotionless. His body was tense as he grasped her hand, and the reluctance as he leaned forwards to kiss her was clear.

There had been no lie in his words when she'd listened in. Legolas did not love her. Anodien kept the fake euphoric smile plastered on her face all throughout the ceremony and feast. Their dance together brought no joy to her, and his frequent kisses tasted like ash. Legolas was clearly trying to convince himself as much as her that their love was real. Despite the fact that her wish had finally been granted, Anodien was miserable.

The crowd lifted the couple onto their shoulders and carried them around cheerfully. The happiness in the room only made Anodien's despondency grow. Her eyes fixed on Minaethiel and Gili standing together, loving and inseparable. Tears began to leak out of the corners of the princess' eyes. She bowed her head down.

I thought I'd finally found happiness, but you always see fit to steal it away, Iluvatar.

Damn you, gods. Damn you all to the deepest pits of Hell.