Love For an Assassin [Kili Fanfic]

Chapter Twenty-Three

Birds. The sound of chirping reached my ears, rousing me. At first, my head spun and I had to keep my eyes closed, but gradually I began to feel better.

Once the raging in my skull and body had calmed somewhat, I opened my eyes to the surroundings. Rock. That was my view. At first, that's all I could see. When I sat up, I could see that I had landed on a ledge fifteen feet below where--

A sob escaped my throat. "Kili," I choked. How could this have happened? I had been there; I should have saved him. Some elf I was...

I looked down over the ledge to the battlefield. It was littered with bodies of orcs, elves, men, and dwarves. The battle was over.

Several dwarves picked through the ruin of the battle field, looking for survivors. They looked like ants from all the way up here on Ravenhill. In fact, the whole area looked unreal; it was desolate, broken, but so far away that I felt detached. Had all that destruction really happened?

Another wave of pain wracked my broken body, and I was forced to lie back. I held my breath, waiting for the pain to pass, or even just lessen. The pain was hot, sticky, and it was all I could do not to cry out.

I shifted onto my left side, feeling the most pressure from a gaping wound in my side. I must have hit something as I fell. I pressed my hand against the gash, trying to slow the bleeding. It wasn't bleeding as heavily as I had thought it would, which worried me. If it was beginning to clot, then I had been out for too long. Much too long.

Stars... my vision blurred. Black spots danced across the sky as everything turned to a grey haze. I let myself succumb to the weight of everything that had happened.

~

When my eyes opened a second time, I checked my wound to see it had clotted up. The pain wasn't as bad as before, and I could think more clearly. Overall, I did my best to be positive. 

Who was I kidding? This was a horrible, terrible day and I had no reason to be positive in any way. 

Ithildae, stop it. I couldn't think like that. Correction: I couldn't think at all. I had to act. 

Before I could stop myself, I forced my legs beneath me and stood up. I stumbled as the pain hit me, almost falling back down. I lowered my eyes to my side just in time to see a splatter of blood fall onto the already stained rock. 

"Great," I mumbled. Pressing one hand against the cliff and the other against my side, I made my way back around to a ledge that I could climb onto. The ledge was almost up as high as my head and caused me to pause for a second. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but I was exhausted and my body was worn. With all that in mind, I knew this wouldn't be easy. 

I drew in a shaky breath before grasping the ledge and pulling myself over it. A low, guttural moan escaped my lips as my wound scraped against the rock, but it couldn't be helped. 

The pain increased steadily until I folded myself completely over the edge and laid there to rest. One ledge down, at least five more to go. I had fallen pretty far. 

Trudging on, I reached another incline that wasn't too high for me. I managed to get over that one as well, having to stop for several minutes afterwards to recover. 

Vaguely, I became aware of my blood soaked side and the trail I was leaving behind. I knew what it meant, but I had to see him. I had to be sure, even if it meant I didn't make it. 

At last, I pulled myself over the last ledge, coming face to face with Tauriel. And beneath her, Kili. His broken body was limp beneath her lithe form, bloody and pale. He truly was gone. 

I swallowed, feeling the pain in my heart rising again. I couldn't let it win. I couldn't let this win. 

Tauriel raised her head when I sniffled, her eyes wet and cold. They darkened upon seeing me. "What do you want?" She hissed, her voice laced with more venom than I had ever heard from her.

I stared at her, shocked. I had no clue what to say. So instead, I scooted closer to Kili's body and bent over him, like she had been doing before I had appeared. I brushed the hair out of his forehead, uncovering his eyes. They were closed, and I closed mine, imagining him as he had been. Full of life, laughter, and love, though not for me. 

"I'm... sorry," Tauriel sobbed, her voice broken, all traces of anger gone. I raised my eyes to meet hers. I sat back on my heels, struggling to understand what was going through her mind. And what was going through mine.

Tauriel let out a heart wrenching sob, lowering herself on Kili once again. She rubbed his face with light hands, then pressed her lips down upon his. Another sob wrenched my heart. 

"Why does it hurt so much?" She cried, her voice torn with anguish. I clutched my heart, on the verge of tears as well.

"Because it was real." Someone said behind me. I turned to see Thranduil standing at the edge of the ledge, his eyes heavy with sorrow. Many elves had died in this battle, and I could tell from his demeanor that it was weighing down on him. Life was weighing down on all of us. Just because we were immortal didn't mean everything was perfect, nor did it mean we had no troubles. 

And sometimes, I wondered if being immortal was worse than having a short lifetime to enjoy, because the pain I was experiencing wouldn't ever go away. And I didn't know if I could live the next few seconds with it, much less forever. 

Hello there everyone! First, Merry Christmas! Second, I hope you enjoyed this little heart wrenching chapter. And third, there is only one or two more chapters left in this story! Yes, I'm serious. Completely. I'm not a hundred percent how many chapters will be left, but I do know this story is almost done. And for those of you who thought this would be a happy little story about where everything goes right and no one dies, well, I'm sorry, but I'm sure you've figured out by now that this is not like that at all. 

Love you all!

Ithildae