The Girl in the Mirror (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Sienna’s POV

I open my eyes and dread fills me. It’s here. The worst day of the year, the day I try my best to avoid every year. The day I want to be over as quickly as possible. It’s my birthday. I hate my birthday, I refuse to celebrate it. I won’t mention it’s my birthday to anyone and they all know better to bring it up with me. I’m sure my fans will make a big deal out of it like they always do. I never appreciate their birthday wishes or their gifts. Anything that is sent to me is sent to charities, I don’t even look at them and cards are just destroyed. I may be ungrateful but I’m not going to pretend I care when I don’t. The only thing I can hope from today is that Harry doesn’t know it’s my birthday. I don’t think I can cope with him making a fuss of me. If he does I will only turn against him and cause an argument.

I turn on my side to see if he is still led beside me but he isn’t there. He is stood up and he quickly pulls on his clothes. I watch him and the frustration on his face is clear as he drags on his jeans. Every time I tried to touch him last night he pushed me away so clearly he is still angry with me. I could hardly sleep last night even though I was tired. I couldn’t switch off my mind and all I could think about was how I betrayed Harry by sleeping with Zayn. I sit up and he notices me but he ignores me. He doesn’t give me the attention I crave. “Morning” I say softly. He turns to face me as he fastens the buttons on his shirt. "I'm doing interviews all day" he says coldly "Tonight I'm going to go out with the lads" he tells me. I can’t help being hurt and pissed off that he is still being off with me. Do I really deserve this just from saying no to sex? I am bothered he is being off with me but I can’t help feeling relieved. I’m relieved that clearly he doesn’t know it’s my birthday or he wouldn’t be treating me like this.

"Fine" I snap "Don't come back here afterwards then" I state. I’m not just going to roll over and let him think it is ok to treat me like this. I’m not a fucking door mat. I get up and I push past him and I see him out of the corner of my eye sticking his middle finger up at me. I don’t say anything I can’t be bothered arguing this early in the morning.

Harry’s POV

I stick my middle finger up at her as she storms off into the bathroom. I am so pissed off with her and I’m not going to pretend I’m ok. I’m not going to pretend it’s all ok just because she has decided she wants us to be ok today. I have every right to be pissed off with her for dismissing me last night. I just wanted to feel close to her again last night and she said no! She obviously hasn’t forgiven me like she says she has because she never says no to me. If you love someone you want to be close to them. I would never be able to resist her and it hurts that she can with me. All I want is to be with her and she doesn’t feel the same for me. She switches on the shower and I walk out of the suite. The last thing I want to do is stick around and wait for her to erupt.

Sienna’s POV

I put on a happy brave face as I spend my day doing interviews. Question after question I am asked about Harry and I try my best to remain calm. I am annoyed as they present me with birthday cakes and wish me Happy Birthday! What’s so fucking happy about it? Why would I want to celebrate a day I was born to parents who didn’t want me, to parents who gave me up? I lie throughout the interviews about how amazing my relationship is with Harry. I tell them how in love with are even though I know we hate each other now. I feel empty as I remember the way Harry was with me this morning. It seems to be a regular occurrence for us but once again I don’t know where we stand. I never seem to know where I stand with him but it’s usually through my own doing. I’m embarrassed to say for once I have done the chasing. I have text him but he hasn’t replied which has frustrated me more.

I go into the bathroom in my dressing room backstage at the TV studios were my interviews are being filmed. I make up a line of cocaine and I snort it up my nose trying to forget the pain of Harry hating me. I try to forget the pain and Harry as I get high off the cocaine. I look into the mirror and my eyes look empty. “Happy Birthday” I whisper to myself. I know I hate birthdays but is it weird that I feel sad that my own husband doesn’t even know when my birthday is. That he hasn’t gone all out to celebrate it like I did with him. Were married and he doesn’t even know basic facts about me. It’s laughable really. I snort another line of cocaine and I feel like I can carry on with my day now.

I walk out of the bathroom and I can’t stop thinking about Harry. I hate the thought of him going out tonight without me. I hate that he is getting close to the others again and him and I are growing further apart. I get my phone and I decide to text him again. I forget about my pride for a change as I desperately want him. I want all of him.

'Please don't go out tonight stay with me baby xo'

I send it and I wait. I desperately wait for his reply. I hope I’m not losing him because it does feel like he is slipping away and I can’t handle that. It feels like a lifetime until he replies.

‘I've already made plans.'

That’s the only response I get. I feel annoyed and hurt by his simple abrupt response. There’s no kiss on the end and he always sends me a kiss. Well if he thinks he can go out and have fun then so can I. I will play him at his own game and I’ll win. I always win. I’m so sick of our games and battling to be top dog. I can’t stop fighting to be in control and he desperately wants to be in charge too but he will never be in charge. I’m the one in control he needs to remember that.

I walk into the club with Mark that evening. We link arms and I know I look amazing. I can tell by the way every man in here turns to look at me and how all the women stare in envy. There’s no way I was going to sit in and mope all night. I’m going to have fun and I know Mark is perfect to do that with. Mark’s been on my security team for a couple of years now. We’ve always got on and we often get drunk and high together. We have a lot in common like we both enjoy casual sex. We’ve slept together a few times but it has never been an issue as he is the same as me. He never wanted anything serious from me, he never fell for me. He understood the arrangement and that’s why we can still be friends now. It’s never awkward or uncomfortable because were on the same page. He is a good looking guy, he gets loads of female attention. He has short spiked brown hair, brown eyes and a squared jaw. He is well over 6 foot, he has huge muscles and they show clearly tonight through his tight black t-shirt. He’s the kind of guy most people would associate me with but he’s a player just like me. I would never be stupid enough to fall for the bullshit he spills because I invented that bullshit.

He winks at me as we head to the bar and if my love life wasn’t already complicated I would probably fuck Mark tonight. I do miss being fucked by him. I’m dressed in a pair of denim hot pants and a simple white vest that is tucked into my shorts. My hair is down and back combed so it’s crazy and all over the place. My makeup is dark and I wear flat cowboy style boots. I know I look good even though I am not overly dressed. I look around the club to see if I can see Harry but he isn’t in sight yet. I have purposely turned up at the club I know him and the others are at. Like I said I can play the game better than he can, he needs to realise that.

"Shall we do champagne since it's your birthday?" Mark asks me as we stand at the bar. I nod eagerly trying to ignore the mention of my birthday. I’m already drunk and high as is he but nothing is going to stop us tonight. "Have you seen your husband yet?" he asks as we wait to be served. I look around again but I don’t see Harry so I shake my head "No not yet" I tell him. I told Mark all about my fall out with Harry and he was more than happy to help me forget it by bringing me out. He is handed our champagne bottles and he immediately opens them both and I cheer loudly as he does. He smirks and passes me a bottle and I press it to my lips enjoying the taste. We walk to the dance floor together drinking from our bottles. I go straight onto the dance floor and Mark joins me and we dance together. I know if Harry is around he will be able to see me now so I make the most of that fact. I move backwards into Mark and I press my arse into his crotch and I allow him to grind into me. We dance in time with the music as Mark towers over me. I enjoy myself as I lose all my inhibitions and I get lost in the music.

Harry’s POV

I sit miserably drinking my vodka as Niall, Louis and Liam laugh and joke together. They reluctantly let me come out tonight and as miserable as I am right now I’m glad they did. I don’t want to be out but I have a point to prove with Sienna. I need to show her that she can’t just be a bitch with me when she feels like it. The others have been better with me since Zayn and I got on better terms but it feels like it will never be the same again. It feels like too much has happened to make this ok. I was relieved when Zayn didn’t come out and he stayed at the hotel with Perry. I can be more myself when he isn’t here. I can’t stop thinking about Sienna though. I wanted to prove to her that I can be just as cold as she can be but I’m already regretting it. I just want to be with her. I want to make up with her. I hear commotion from the bar and I feel annoyed at the people around me who are enjoying themselves. I’m convinced half of the people here are underage well I’m underage but it’s surprising how much you can get away with when you are famous. It’s surprising how much people will give you just to have their club mentioned in the same sentence as you.

Niall nudges me and I reluctantly look at him as I want to get lost in my drink. I follow where he is pointing and I feel my blood boil. I instantly start to lose my cool as I see her. Sienna. She stands a short distance from me on the dance floor dancing with another man but not just any man Mark. Her hard nut security guard. The man who I have noticed looks at her a little too long sometimes, the man who holds her more tightly than needs be. I watch as she presses her body against him and how he runs his hands down her body. He stares down her top clearly looking at her tits. I quickly jump up from my seat and I head over to smash his face in but I feel someone hold me back. “Stop” I hear Louis say firmly in my ear "Don't make a scene in the middle of the club" he tells me trying to keep me calm. I am way past staying calm though, I am enraged and it is taking everything I have in me not to kill him and her. I want to drag her back to the hotel and tell her just what I think of her but I know Louis is right. I don’t want everyone to see the mess our marriage is in. "I'm going to fucking kill her" I snarl angrily to him. "That's what she wants" Louis tells me "She knows you're here. That performance is for your benefit" he states as he tries to defuse my temper.

I pull out of their grasp “Two can play at this game" I tell them as I make my way to the dance floor. I know they are all following me but I don’t turn back around to look at them. My gaze is fixed on her and every second that passes I get angrier. I know as well as everyone else if this turns into a fight Mark will win but I am willing to take my chance. I’m not willing to go down without a proper fight. I stand on the dance floor and I immediately turn my attention to a young brunette. I start to dance with her and she is happy to oblige. I’m stood only metres from Sienna but she hasn’t noticed me yet. She is too engrossed in Mark which infuriates me more. The others stand close by watching me waiting for this to erupt. I dance closely to the brunette but I keep my gaze fixed on Sienna. I watch her turn back around so her back is into Mark again and then she sees me. Our eyes lock and she takes in that I am dancing with someone else. She smirks but I can see her eyes are blazing. She isn’t as angry as me nobody could ever be as angry as me.

Sienna’s POV

I watch as he dances with some little slut in front of me and he thinks he is winning but he has no clue what I can do. He moves his hands down the sluts body and I am raging but I do everything I can to hide it. I try desperately to hide the feeling of hurt I feel. I turn away from him and I fix my focus on Mark. I don’t think about it I just jump into Mark’s arms and I wrap my legs around his waist. He holds me firmly and I bounce up and down on him in a sexual way and I wrap my arm around his neck so I don’t slip. I use my spare arm to sway in the air in time with the music. I know Harry is watching me and he is getting more and more agitated. I watch him and I see his heart break in front of me and he storms off. He couldn’t handle the game just like I knew he wouldn’t be able too. I laugh realising I have won. I continue to dance and enjoy my night as the drugs and alcohol fully takeover.

Harry’s POV

I storm into my hotel room and I angrily punch the wall as I try my best to calm down. I tried to beat her at her own game but I couldn’t. She won, she always wins. I promised myself after Melissa that no woman would ever get the better of me again but with Sienna it’s impossible. She beats me at every game we try to play. There is no point even going up against her because she always wins. I don’t know how I can carry on like this. I’m constantly living on the edge and I never know what each day will bring with her. We can’t seem to go a single day without falling out lately or having issues. What happened to us? We use to be happy but the longer we are together the worse our relationship is getting. We’re no good for each other, that’s clear. Everyone knows our relationship is a disaster and it’s hurting us both. We are hurting each other. I hate the thought of not being with her and I can’t imagine her being with someone else but I can’t go on like this. I can’t keep dealing with the pain she brings me every day. It is too hard.

I sit down on the bed in my lonely cold hotel suite and I let tears leave my eyes. I can’t help sitting here crying pathetically as I think about how much I love her. It is so hard loving someone and not receiving the same amount of love back from them. I know she does love me though but she doesn’t love me enough and that’s too hard to deal with. I wipe my tears on my shirt and I crawl into bed fully clothed. I lay under the covers and I cry myself to sleep hoping tomorrow will be a better today.