joshler

~chapter three

crybaby.

last nights dream wasn't as bad as the previous night, it didn't make much sense however I didn't wake with my body shaking, my face and fingers numb in terror. This dream was of emotion, positive emotion maybe of love. It probably wasn't love, well i don't know; iv'e never felt love i guess. I don't like to get my hopes up much about those types of feelings though. I have a tendency to make myself feel a bit worthless and insecure. Well not me whoever the fuck that voice in my head is.

This morning i didn't have to be into work until 10, it was a Wednesday. I had my alarm set for yesterdays schedule, so i was up and awake at 7 am. I decided to get some writing in i figured i'd give my unexceptional paintings a rest and do something that welp, something that's not complete shit. For some reason today just wasn't my day for writing i couldn't seem to think of anything beautiful to write, i couldn't think of something true and wonderful. Today felt a bit colorless. Instead I made myself a cup of burning hot coffee, black like how josh drinks his. However after burning my tongue and feeling the dreadful bitterness of the coffee I realized that I can't handle that shit.

As got to work I looked around to see who was in today in hopes of making friends. Melanie was at her usual table but she had her face planted into her palms with her computer half way closed. I couldn't help but notice I had started go walk over there before I knew I was sitting right I front of her. I didn't mean to I don't know what to say. I can't walk away though that would seem weird what am I-
"I'm sorry I know I've been here for awhile I'll I'll leave" she said sniffling between each word. "No no of coarse not I just I I couldn't help myself from coming over here you seem hurt" I'm surprised I was able today something so straight forward to a stranger. But then again I see her multiple times a week so I don't know if I could say she's a stranger. "Well it's just that it's just that. that. Well I." Her lips tightened as if holding in a wail. I pulled my chair from being in front of her so that it was next to her. I placed my arm around her back my hand secured around the side of her arm. This is how my best friend used to hold me when I was having an anxiety attack, I gave her enough space with my body so she didn't feel trapped yet my arm was still held tight but not too tight to make her feel secure. She continued to place her head on my chest, she needed to be held I then continued to place my other arm around her. Her breathes began to slow and she sniffled a few more times before lifting her head. "Do you want to talk about it". She shook her head left to right. "Ok that alright can I get you anything, on me" she said a cake pop would cheer her up. I think I just made myself a friend.