BURN BOOK

1/11/2014

Okay, let's face it, I would hate anyone who's not as good/hot/pretty/popular/rich as me, and apparently, no one is better than me, so that just means I hate everybody. It's not my fault though that everyone is just so freaking ugly, and everyone just wants to be me. I mean, I'm so rich that I wouldn't even accept Bill Gates' proposal (I'm sure he would propose to me if he wasn't already married). And please, I'm not bragging, I'm just saying the absolute truth so please don't hate me. Anyway, due to the fact that I'm so rich, I managed to get an exclusive copy of the 'Burn Book' from 'Mean Girls', right I finished watching the movie. And by exclusive copy, I mean that I got the exact book from the movie itself. I know whoever is reading my book right now really hates me, but please, just be honest; you don't hate me, you're just super jealous. Let's get to point... so each day or week, I'm going to be writing about my personal thoughts on everybody, starting with my obnoxious neighbors:

1. The lady that lives right next to me is so annoying. Each day, she likes to 'pretend' that she's taking her dog out for a walk, when really, she's a filthy stalker AND pervert. She likes to peek into my bathroom window and see what my bathrobe of the day looks like. THAT WOMAN IS CRAZY!! And when she thinks I'm not looking, she sneaks some of my famous French apple pie that's shipped from France once a year on Thanksgiving Day into her foul mouth and pretends like she's chewing gum every time I look out the window. And that's not all, HER DOG ALWAYS POOPS IN MY GARDEN!! IF THAT OLD HAG OR HER DOG TOUCHES MY PROPERTY ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO STRANGLE BOTH OF THEM!!!!

2. Even though it does sound impossible, that old hag actually has a husband. Every time the stupid man goes pass my luxurious and humongous, humble mansion, he always has to spit in one of my antique, priceless flower pots. Also, whenever he sees me, he always acts like he isn't already married to that offensive wife of his, and 'tries' to flirt with me by giving me a few of his nauseating winks. WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS? HE'S PRACTICALLY AS OLD AS MY DEAD GRANDFATHER!!

Anyway, I am so tired of writing this much in one day; I'll continue insulting people tomorrow. Love you!

Chanel Oberlin