Once Upon a Time in the magical city of New York, lived a blonde girl named Alice. Now Alice wasn't the most popular girl around. People normally left her alone after she was deemed mentally psychotic for recounting her encounters with a talking rabbit and disappearing cat to antagonize people up and down.
One day she was walking down the streets in New York talking on her iPhone. Some people got out of her way, others gave her dirty looks. As she was walking she walked into construction zone without realizing it. She walks over a pothole, fell through it and started descending down into the darkness.
As she fell down the pothole, she started to lose track of how long she'd been falling. Was it seconds or minutes? Had the minutes just felt like hours? Eventually she landed on her bum and started walking around trying to find where she had landed. "Help!" she cried out looking for any sign of civilization. Not finding any she sat down and began to cry.
"Please someone help me. I would do anything to get back to somewhere that has my cell phone service," she mumbled under her breath.
"Did you call for assistance Dear? I may be of some help, but it will cost you" Alice spun around startled at the sudden voice behind her. A sandy brown skinned guy whose skin seemed to shimmer stood behind her leaning against a tree.
"Who are you and why must you sneak up on a lady while she is obviously distracted by her utter sadness to technological withdrawals? I'd have half a mind to yell rape if it weren't for the fact that I don't think anyone could hear me besides you," Alice said matter of factly.
"My name is of no real importance to you. Although, you seem to be lost in the enchanted forest and I could help you return to your home in New York if you're willing to offer you're first born child in return."
"I accept your offer, for I have no husband and zero plans to bear children through my womb." The man's face grew a toothy grin that was as wide as an ocean, that is if he had processed more than six teeth in the first place.
"May your hasty choice come to bite you in the bum later dear," he said as he snapped his fingers implanting her mind with ideas on how to get back to New York.
As she walked around it started to get very dark. She thought she was imagining it but sure enough, the faint sound of an unforgettable laugh of the Cheshire cat came from the tree high above. His manly body slowly started to appear above her. He drifts down to stand in front of her. "Well hello there sweetheart, aren't you a delicate flower." the Cheshire cat says lifting her skirt with his adventurous tail exploring her inner thigh. Alice looked into his eyes and got hypnotized by the spiraling disks of colour, making sure to do whatever the Cheshire cat commanded. Soon the two were strung together like two unadulterated love birds.
**9 months later**
As Alice grew fat, the baby developed into a full grown fetus and was ready to be introduced to the world. As she sat on her couch watching trashy TV shows like "Real Housewives", one of the women said something so funny that it caused Alice's water to break. "Bloody hell!! I ruined my brand new couch with my body fluids." She rushed to the hospital and had the baby at the stroke of midnight.
At the exact moment the baby shed her first cry, the lights flickered and a man was standing next to the baby. "Hello dear, remember me? I'm the man you promised your first born to and I intend to collect..... The only way to save your child would be to guess my name in less than three tries."
"I guess a deal is a deal so I will try my best." Alice thought about what name would fit this strange little man. "Aaron....Blake...sh-"
"Rumpelstiltskin! Why must you start your stupid tricks with the mother of my child, when will you learn that children aren't bargaining chips?"
"Rumpelstiltskin! That's your name!!" Alice screamed in realization. Just as his name came out of her mouth, Rumpelstiltskin started to scream and shout. He stomped his feet and made a hole in the ground.
All of a sudden the ground opened up where the crack was and swallowed Rumpelstiltskin whole and then everything went back to normal like nothing happened. The Cheshire cat and Alice were free to go home with their child who they named Clarissa. All was well and good in the world after all...
