Can you hear my heartbeat?

Can you hear my heartbeat? (Part 1: Katsuki Yuri POV)

Hello, my name is Katsuki Yuri, and I have been training with Victor for a while now. I'm bad under pressure but I try to do my best, my biggest support is my coach. I asked Victor to stay until the GPF, but I lost at the end to J.J and Yurio. J.J won gold while Yurio took second place. I was third and I'm not proud of it. I got third because I'm a failure, I can't do things right and this time was no different, even when I knew Yurio was a tough opponent I was overly confident, almost as confident as J.J was of himself, and that made me fail. I knew I had twisted my ankle after a landing that looked perfect but in reality it wasn't, the pressure on my ankle nearly broke it, but the show must go on.

-Oi, katsudon!- Yurio called me while I was trying not to cry, I had let Victor down. I had promised the gold medal after all.

-Yes, Yurio-chan? - He was royally pissed at my use of "chan" but he was younger than me and although I deeply admired him for all he did for his family, his talent skating and for having Victor with him, I couldn't help give him a smile.

-Give Victor to me- My smile stood in place while I said 'no' with my head. Victor was not mine to give away anyway, he was not a thing.

-You are useless, you lost and we said that the better skater was going to get Victor as a coach; I won although I lost to J.J...but things will be different once Victor becomes MY coach. I can do better than you and you know it- His words hurt like hell, but he wasn't wrong.

-I know, but at the end it is Victor's decision what he plans on doing- My ankle was killing me, my fake smile was taking everything of me to just not crumble right there. Not with Victor coming to us.

-Yuri! Yurio!- He really had the worst timing possible, still I smiled a bit more for him, greeted him with a hug and we sat down on a bench near the entrance.

-Victor, you will be my coach, right? - Yurio got straight to the point. I knew he did all this in order to be number one and be the pillar of his home since his grandpa was sick and everything depended on him.

-Of course, I am a man of my word after all- The satisfied smile Yurio gave me, how Victor said 'sorry' time after time and finally leaving with Yurio, and my own mental state crashed once I was alone.

Unlike the past, now I didn't lock myself in the bathroom, I just sent messages saying farewell and saying I would be returning to Japan, to my hometown in Hasetsu the day after tomorrow. I planned to just rest a day and go to the doctor and go home. Injuries could be bad if they weren't treated properly after all.

The injury was worse than I first thought. After taking out my skating shoes, I noticed how red and swollen it was, just standing up hurt like hell. The pain was killing me after putting so much pressure after seeing Victor go.

At the doctor I finally cried. He told me I had to rest a few weeks, a month if necessary. I wasn't getting any young, injuries now took more time to heal and my mental stability was broken. The doctor thought I was crying because of the pain so he gave me some painkillers and that almost made me laugh, because I knew that no amount of painkillers were going to make my heart stop hurting.

I returned home and in a week I started gaining weight, I stopped skating and I stopped doing things I loved. Victor in more times that I can admit tried calling me, he even sent text messages, same Yurio and Phichit. But I couldn't answer them.

I was depressed.

Trying to appear happy for Phichit on Messenger or even trying to sound cheerful was bad enough and that was the reason I deleted everything I had, all my social networks and I even cancelled my phone number. I knew my family was getting worried since I became a hikkikomori, but I couldn't care less.