RIGHT NOW [l.p.]

Prologue.

Everything was telling me to stop. That's what I should have done. But the fact was I didn't wanted to. This feeling - the feeling. It was good. Wrong at the same time, but so fucking good. I could have stayed like that forever. No matter what was happening outside, no matter the responsabilities they've forced me to have ; at this very moment that was all I needed ; forgetting. Just a little bit of oblivion. Erase from my mind the fact that everything I was, everything I appeared to be, was just a mix of bullshit and sham. At this very moment that bottle in my hand, that bitter liquor going down my throat, was a thread. The only thread left connecting me to the rest of the world. The only thread left connecting me to life. And this thread was about to break. But I was still having the choice. I was still having the choice because if that bottle of vodka was the thread, then I was the knife that could cut it. The only one. I just had to choose if so or not. And actually, my decision was already taken. I wanted to take that thread and completly destroy it. Rip every single filaments it was made of and end this hell I was kept into. But I simply couldn't. Even how badly I wanted to, I just couldn't. Not because I was still afraid of something - in fact I wasn't afraid of anything anymore. But because there was still this doubt. This fucking, slight, doubt that was holding me back, preventing me to take that damn booze and drink it 'til I die. I still had a doubt because - silly me - I was still hoping that one day she'll be back to me. Her and this sweet innocent smile that was basically the only thing I needed. Her and this sweet innocent smile I could never escape from. Her and this sweet innocent smile I couldn't take off my mind.