Bound

Kate

My mom was perched on the edge of a chair in the living room, her back straight and her hands clutched over her knees tightly.

"Kate, are you sure this is a good idea?" she asked me for the third time.

"Yes, it's fine. Lexi was on the way somewhere when I called and they're just stopping by for a minute so we can meet the baby."

"But—"

"Mom, she's my friend. She's sad about what happened to me and I'm happy about what happened to her."

"I'm not suggesting otherwise," Mom said. "It's just that you've been doing better—"

"I am doing better, you're right. And I think it's because I'm finally facing things. This is something that's important to me, okay?"

She smiled but didn't look happy. "Of course."

I stared out the window, a knot in my chest, until Lexi's silver SUV pulled into the driveway. She got a car seat carrier out of the back and carried it to the front door, where I met her.

"Hey," I said, reaching out to hug her after she'd stepped in.

"Hi." She sat the seat down on the floor and I glanced in. The tiny, round face I saw tugged at my heart.

"This is Cade," Lexi said, untucking a pale blue blanket from around him.

"Oh, my gosh," I said softly. "What a perfect boy you are."

Cade's eyes widened with awareness and I laughed at his expression. Lexi turned to me, her eyes bright with curiosity.

"So how are things with Ryke?"

"I still have no idea," I said, rolling my eyes. "Can I hold him?"

Lexi paused a second before reaching down to unlatch the straps on the seat and I heard my Mom's loud This Isn't a Good Idea sigh.

I sat down in a chair in the corner and opened my arms. As soon as Lexi handed off her bundled infant, a wave of emotions swept through me. Sadness, happiness, grief and joy – all at the same time.

As soon as I blinked, warm tears hit my cheeks and Lexi reached out to take Cade back.

"No, I'm okay," I said. "He's beautiful, Lex."

"Thank you." I could tell from the waver in her voice that she was crying, too.

Cade'e eyes flew open and he seemed to realize he was in a stranger's arms. He made a few whines that I knew were a windup for an all out scream fest.

"You better take him," I said, reaching a finger down to touch his soft, round cheek.

"Just rock him back and forth," Lexi said. "He loves that. And sometimes I hum, too."

"What do you hum?"

"Oh, anything. TV commercials, the ABC song, Lady Gaga. He likes it all."

I swayed the baby in my arms and he instantly quieted. I grinned at Lexi.

"Your arms must get tired," I said.

"Yeah, John's a better rocker than me. And we have a swing, too."

I had wondered if I'd look at Lexi's baby and see the daughter I never met. But I didn't. He was hers, and all I felt was happiness for her and John. There was also a touch of something that surprised me.

I wanted this. To hold a baby in my arms and rock it gently. To smell the fresh, powdery scent and hear the sweet, tiny coos. Until I had one in my arms, I had no idea how much having a baby still meant to me.