I Hope...

Chapter Seven

The funeral happens. Everything is up and over in a blur. I sit in bed. Its all I do. Alexander tries to visit with me, but he takes all of his attempts as failures all too soon. He's came back to sleeping in our room. I needed someone there.

I have nightmears. They are basicly all 'what if...' sort of things. What if I could have stoped it? What if he could have been saved? What if I could have done a little bit more to keep him from the fight? They horrify me.

I would wake up screaming in the middle of the nights. It would scare the children. Alexander or Angelica, when whe was staying with us, would run in and comfort me, as if I was a screaming child. I thought it best to keep Alex close and the night terrors away.

I was sitting alone in my room one day about a month. I was maintaining my health mainly for the baby. Alex came in. It was unusual, since it wasn't time for a meal or to sleep.

"Look at where we are. Look at where we started. I know I don't derserve you, Eliza, but hear me out. That would be enough."

I grant his request with a small, silent, solemn nod.

"If I could spare his life... If I could trade his life for mine, He'd be standing here right now, and you would smile."

I shake my head, in hopes, to prevent tears leaking from my eyes.

"That would be enough. I don't pretend to know the challenges we're facing. I know there's no replacing what we lost, and you need time."

He pauses, before continuing lightly.

"But I'm not afraid, I know who I married. Just let me stay here by your side. That would be enough."

I again grant his request with a small, silent, solemn nod. Only this time, its a bit less reluctant.

He began to accompany me on small walks through the park. This particular instant happened last week.

"Eliza..."

"Hhmmm?" I ask turning to him.

"Do you like it uptown? Its quite uptown..."

I slightly nod my head. I don't wish to start an agrument or to begin talking. Uptown reminds me of Phillip. He would like it here.

"Look around. Look around."

I solemnly look up at him with tears in my eyes.

"Eliza..." I shake my head to warn him from going any further.

He, also, helped our children plant me a garden. I'll randomly sit out there. Just to be alone. To grieve. To pray. To just be in silence.

This is today. I needed to be alone, yet I was yearning to be at Alexander's side.

I stood from the concrete bench and walk down the path. A hand is layed on my sholder.

I turn to see my husband. I look up at him with heavy tears in my eyes. I remove his hand from my sholder, and we stand in silence for a few moments, just stairing into eachother's eyes.

I reach out and pull his big hand to my small one. I hold his hand. Its the first non-platonic gesture either of us has made towards eachother, since the newspaper article.

"Its quiet uptown..." I wisper and nod in agreement to his statement he made weeks ago.

He brings his other hand to the side of my face and kisses my forehead, softly.

He leans in to kiss my cheek, but I turn and catch his lips.