Complicated Love (Phan)

All I Want For Christmas Is You

Dan's P.O.V.
I wander through the apartment, swaying, a forgotten shot glass in my hand. My world collapses a little more as I stumble upon things that remind me of Phil. I eventually find myself in his room, well, what used to be his room. Even though the room is now completely empty, I still feel as if it belongs to Phil. It doesn't help that his scent lingers in the air, beautiful and mocking to my senses. It's too much for me to handle. Exhaustion and heartache catches up to me, and I fall to the floor, curling up into the tightest ball I can. A little part of me crumbles away, as the tears come back to me. Every single memory I've collected here with Phil washes over me, making the pain almost unbearable to handle. All the times we sat on his bed, filming the Phil Is Not On Fires, to the many hours we spent laughing and arguing, while playing games together for our gaming channel, to the late nights where if either one of us couldn't sleep, we would go into the other's room, where we would be always welcome to stay the night. I remember everything. Every little detail of all things that have happened in this room, in this apartment. Every last detail of the good times, and the bad times.

I remember it all.

Phil's P.O.V.
It feels so strange to not be in my apartment, waking up on Christmas morning to find everything bright and cheery, warm and welcoming. Waking up to find presents under the tree, and a handsome, tired looking Dan waiting for me under the mistletoe that he had obviously placed there the night before. Instead, I wake up in a foreign place, all alone. It hits me hard when I realize that from now on, I really will be alone, with no Dan to comfort me, to hold me, to love me for me. My heart squeezes in my chest when I also remember what Dan did to me and what he did to us. I don't stop the tears when they start falling; I just let them come.

Because maybe they'll take away the pain that is eating me alive.

Dan's P.O.V.
I don't know how, but I find myself once again in the kitchen, pouring myself another shot. It feels like my brain is disconnected to the rest of my body, because I have absolutely no idea, and no control of what I'm doing. Suddenly, I feel the cold rim of the shot glass pressed against my lips, and the feeling of smooth alcohol sliding down my throat. I gag as my head starts to throb even more. Before I know it, I'm pouring myself another shot. And another. And another. And another. The world starts to tilt as I collapse to the floor, banging my head against the hard tiles. My last conscious thought, before the world goes black, is the thought of Phil, spending Christmas all alone in his apartment. Just like me.

Phil's P.O.V.
I don't have enough energy to get up, let alone enough energy to face the day. Instead, I curl up further and further into the depths of my bed, wishing the world would just let me sleep away the pain. I wonder what Dan is doing right know. Probably kissing Jessica underneath our mistletoe.

Jessica.

I don't know what he sees in her. I mean, I don't even know what she looks like, let alone know what her personality is like, but there must have been something to her that made Dan chose her over me. Maybe she's a better kisser then me. Maybe she gets him better then I do. And so on, and so on.

Maybe my entire relationship with him has been a lie this entire time, and he actually doesn't love me at all. These thoughts tear me apart, crumbling my already broken mind, soul, and heart into ashes that blow away in the wind with all the thoughts, and feelings, and things I love about Dan.

Dan's P.O.V.
I drift in and out of conscious, the world a dark, blurry, shapeless fog all around me. Thoughts of Phil flitter in and out of my mind, leaving behind the wispy, phantom feeling of pain in my heart. Am I dying? Am I floating down to hell? Or am I still in the hell that is my new reality without Phil? I can't think straight, I can't move. I can't breath. The world darkens even more as I plummet into the fiery bottoms of my unknown future. Santa, if you can hear me, my intoxicated brain randomly calls out, I only have one request for you this Christmas.

All I want for Christmas...

is Phil.

Phil's P.O.V.
Merry Christmas Dan, I think to myself. I hope you get what you want this Christmas. I hope you get the happiness and love that you deserve. I hope with all my broken heart. Then the world goes black as I finally drift into a peaceful slumber.

Hey everyone! Merry almost Christmas! And happy whatever other religious, or non religious, holidays you guys celebrate this time of year! Anyways, can you guys believe that it's almost 2017?! I know I can't! It seems like 2016 just flew right over our heads. Or maybe that's just me. It's probably just me. I hope you guys have a wonderful, wonderful rest of the year, and I'll see you all next year in 2017! Alrighty, I love you guys and thank you guys SO much for an amazing year! Bye for now!