Silver Treble Clefs

Chapter 27: "It Gets Better"

            It's Quinn who wakes him, her hands holding his face steady. "It's just a dream, Blaine," she says, "shh, it's just a dream."

He's on his side, facing her. Her thumbs stroke his cheeks softly, motherly even. She looks at him concerned, then sits down on the chair again, one hand leaving him entirely and the other moving to stroke his hair and forehead.

"It gets better," she says, "after a while it gets easier to deal with. Just, don't scream or thrash when the healers are around to hear you. They'll just sedate you, think you're still in pain. You're not in physical pain anymore, are you?"

He tries to focus on what should hurt, his throat from Four's tight fingers? No, it's not hurting in the slightest. The collar is gone, too, he is allowed to talk again. His arm then, where the wolf had pierced its sharp teeth through his skin. Nothing there, not even a scar where he looks at it. He uncurls his hands from the tight balls they were in and inspects them closely. Nothing there, apart from a few red spots where his nails had been digging into them. Quinn is right, none of the pain he's in is physical.

"They don't understand," she continues after Blaine drops his hands again and his tears start streaming, "they think all we endure in that Arena is physical pain. They don't understand the images, the hurt inside that never leaves. It gets easier, I promise, just don't let them see you hurt."

"Sing to me?"

His voice is hoarse, nothing like his own, and as soon as the words are out a strong burn starts up in his throat. He doesn't know how to express the pain, though, other than his face scrunching together. He will need to build it up again, probably, he hasn't spoken since he got out of the Arena and the grip Four had had around his throat had been so tight his vocal chords were most likely damaged.
Quinn smiles when she sees the pain on his face, keeps stroking his hair and sings.

He falls asleep to the soft sound of her angelic voice, nothing about it indicates the hurt Blaine knows she feels. He knows now, how it really feels. What it is like to be Cooper Anderson, to be Quinn Fabray. To be so damaged by what happened to you, so scarred and lonely, so utterly broken inside. And he's only been awake for maybe thirty minutes all together since he got out.

He doesn't dream about horrors, not this time, Quinn's voice soothing and her presence calming. She remains by his bedside until he wakes up again, and by the time he does she's joined by both Kurt and Cooper. He reckons he didn't sleep for a very long time this time, she's still in exactly the same spot and stroking his hair the way she was when he drifted off. Cooper is clutching his hand and Kurt stands awkwardly behind them.

"Blaine," Cooper starts, "technically you don't need any health care anymore. Would you be okay with moving back to the quarters to gain your strength before your victory interview with Caesar next week?"

"Please," Blaine croaks, nothing sounds more welcome than a warm bath in his room and the giant, soft bed. Being enveloped by the thick blankets and a camomile scent. It's everything he wants now, everything he needs.

As soon as he agrees, Cooper arranges for everything to happen. He's helped up by Quinn and Kurt, Kurt carrying some comfortable clothes for him. He gets out of the gown he was wearing gratefully. Kurt helps him into the sweatpants, shirt and cardigan and then holds out an arm for Blaine to hold onto as he gets out of bed. All the while they don't speak, don't look at each other. Quinn takes his other arm and Blaine leans against her more than he does to Kurt. Everything about her is familiar, her smell and the way she cares. Her eyes shine bright with compassion and empathy, something he knows he won't find in Kurt.

He spends the first two days in bed still, sleeping off the after effects of being pumped full of morphling. The first day his muscles start aching, his body shakes and he feels like he has a fever. Quinn holds him, tells him to get through it. He sleeps, feeling trapped as long as he's under. Nightmares grow worse with every short nap he takes and his voice comes back quicker than he'd expected, because his unconscious mind forces him to scream.

The third day, the fever breaks and the aching subsides. He feels tired, takes a long bath as soon as he wakes up and crawls back into bed. Cooper comes in with breakfast. It's a big bowl full of broth. Blaine takes the bowl from Cooper, looks at it and breaks. He throws it across the room, against the glass wall that sometimes functions as a television. The glass doesn't give or break, but the bowl smashes to the ground in a thousand pieces and the broth splashes across it.

Blaine screams, the loudest he's screamed thus far. He screams Pennie's name, screams for Cooper and Quinn and then for Kurt. He hasn't seen Kurt since they arrived back at their floor, but knows he's there. He's heard his voice outside the room, asking if Blaine was okay. He knows Kurt is designing whatever Blaine will wear to the interview in five days. It's been nine days since he escaped the Arena and he still isn't sure how. Or why Kurt was the one to see him right after. The broth, it had taken him back into the Arena. The only thing besides the bread he'd eaten in there, and he needs to know. He needs to know every last detail and he knows only Kurt and Isabelle have been the ones who were able to watch it all. Knows Quinn and Cooper have hid as much as possible, taking advice from Kurt as to what to do and what to send. They hadn't been able to watch their little Blaine go in and fight the way he did. He needs Kurt, needs Kurt now.

"Kurt!" he yells, "Kurt, help me!"

Kurt comes crashing into the room and the first thing Blaine sees is he looks terrible. It's only been a little over two weeks since he's last seen Kurt, but he has never seen anyone change so much in so little time. Though Kurt probably thinks the same of him. Kurt's eyes are sunken, he's got dark circles under him that indicate lack of sleep and he's paler than Blaine has ever seen him. He's skinnier, too, as if he hasn't eaten since they parted ways. His hair is a ruffled mess, greasy and without product. His clothes are wide, silver, but plain. It's almost as if there's nothing left of the silver man Blaine had taken such a liking to.

"Could you maybe leave us alone?" Blaine asks Cooper, who's looking between the two with wide, questioning eyes. He nods curtly and rushes out of the room, pushing Kurt towards Blaine as he moves past him.

"You asked for me?" Kurt sits down on the bed carefully, almost as if he is afraid to get to close to Blaine. He looks broken, hurt and everything strong in him is gone. Blaine wishes he could rush forward and envelop him in a tight hug, but he's not sure he can. Not sure Kurt would like that.

"I want to know," he therefore says, "I remember you told me what happened but I was to drugged up to understand a word you said. I want to know what happened."

"What... -"

"Everything," Blaine says, "I need to know what happened."

Kurt shrugs, a small grin appears on his face and he seems to relax a little. He scoots closer, really looks at Blaine for the first time.

"Everything?"

"Everything."