My Forever (The Infinite Love Series, Book Two) - Published; Sample Only.

(2) Worth Fighting For

Parker

She was broken like I had been so badly before. I knew she was hurting; hell I had been there. But last time I pushed her away—made the biggest mistake of my life. My life honestly made no sense without my girlfriend.

I had been dating Madalynne Johnson for a little over a year and a half and she was what made my world go round. Losing her felt like being suffocated. I couldn’t imagine a day without her big brown eyes and her naturally beautiful sandy brown hair. Her smile was to die for; she could light up a room with one open-mouthed smile…and all eyes would be on her. I never felt a hundred percent worthy of her, but I never gave up.

We had already been through hell and high water, and adding in the passing of her brother Mason, I wasn’t sure we could make it out unscathed.

He was killed by a roadside bomb in Lebanon when he was stationed there on deployment.

I had always looked up to Mason, almost like a brother. He was the closest thing I had to it after I lost Bo. His passing was rough on the both of us, his sister and me...but especially her. I noticed the lights he carried, dim; her happiness and joy stolen. And it was just the beginning of her parents’ marital problems.

I understood why she was pushing me away; her unexplained guilt over his death—but my brother Bo had always told me she was the one and if I wanted her I would have to fight for her…his words were the one thing that I lived by.

I know I didn’t show it enough, but Madalynne meant the world to me. She had been there for me in my darkest hours, and I owed my life to her. She never knew the extent to which she changed and touched my life,but I wanted to make sure she never went a day questioning my love or feelings for her, it was the least I could do for her.

There was only one other person I felt like I could share myself entirely with, her name was Jacqueline Blunt. I had never met her in person, but I had begun an internet friendship with her a couple of years ago, shortly after my brother Bo, committed suicide. I was only thirteen years old at the time and I was never the same. I was the one who had found him. I had come home from school one day and had gone into the bathroom, only to find him hanging from the ceiling in the tub.

That day will haunt me for the rest of my life. In the beginning the screams were echoing so loud and hard, I didn’t realize it was actually me screaming. When I finally willed my legs to move I ran around the house frantically searching for something to cut him down. When I finally cut him loose, he fell to the floor in a lifeless heap. I just held him there, crying, cursing at him, and asking him why he left me. His body was blue, so incredibly blue.

He was only two years older than me. I wondered what could have been so terrible that he would have wanted to take his own life. I blamed myself for not being able to prevent it, to see the signs.

Bo had even left a suicide letter; one that will be etched into my brain forever. He wrote of his struggles with his sexuality. He wrote of the torment his peers had put him through. Things he had kept hidden for far too long. He wrote of the bullies that in his heart pushed him to this decision.

It broke my heart that he didn’t feel comfortable coming to anyone in my family for help or guidance. He had always made it seem so easy; life; I came to understand he had been living a lie.

My parents and I were blind sighted. We had-had no clue. The killer part about it was that it wouldn’t have mattered to me, definitely not my mother…but my father was a loose cannon. We never knew how he would react.

It really did a number on my family. My parents couldn’t stand the sight of each other,each secretly blaming the other. They slept in separate bedrooms for almost a year after Bo. Only recently they had been sharing the same bedroom and things seemed almost civil.

I shut down almost entirely after my brother left me. I isolated myself. I pushed the closest people away from me. There was a time I didn’t even see Madalynne. An entire summer I avoided her because she just reminded me of Bo. I couldn’t stand to be around her. I couldn’t stand to see her and be reminded of the memories of all of us as children. Building forts and making up plays. She was the only person who knew that losing Bo was going to turn my world upside down.

She reached out for me, I pulled further away. In that dark time,I joined an online chatroom about suicide and met a young girl, like myself, Jacqueline. She was a couple of years younger than me, but she could relate to my story because like my brother, she had attempted to kill herself. Only, she didn’t succeed.I was so angry at Bo at the time; Jacqueline was like a Godsend, helping me understand why he would ever do such a thing; helping refocus my anger; helping me find love again and be able to forgive Bo and move on.

I spent months getting lost in conversations online with Jacqueline. She would make me forget, for even just a little bit of time, that I had lost my best friend and brother. I felt guilty for pushing  Madalynne   away   and  building   this new relationship behind her back with Jacqueline. I knew with one hundred percent certainty that Madalynne was head over heels in love with me. And prior to Bo passing away, I was positive as well that I was going to be spending the rest of my life with her. Just like I knew she wished, just like I knew our families hoped.

But as soon as Bo passed away, everything changed. I changed. Being around Madalynne was gut wrenching for me; too much for me to handle in my fragile state.So I spent my middle school days behind a computer screen flirting with a girl I had never even met.