Phan Oneshots

Dear Myself

24th July 2008
Dear to well...myself I guess...Or to these sheets of paper? But can dead wood even read?

Anyway. I read somewhere online that writing your thoughts down helps you or something, especially when you have no friends. So, here we are I suppose.

Today went by as normal, well, my version of it.

It really sucks ass, to know that absolutely nobody gives a shit about you after middle school. People can seem to just go about their daily business when they can clearly see their peer is having a hard time. No one cares. But that's fine, who would want to be friends with me anyway? Im just another tiny speck of dust thats been sucked into the vacuum of life.

Well, that's just about enough existential crisis for one night.

30th July 2008

I honestly don't know how I'm going to survive another year of school.

I mean, the entire thing is pointless anyway. We are learning things that we will never ever need again in our lives. My teacher and I got into an argument about it today, but I just ended up getting detention. There isn't much the teachers can do about it anyway. The majority agree that the syllabus is a bunch of unimportant crap, but it's their job to teach us it, so they don't have a choice.

After the argument, I got beat up again. It hurt a lot because I'm still bruised from last weeks session. I should be used to it by now, but no 'normal' person should have to get used to it in the first place. Then again I am not a normal person so I do deserve it.

I'm rambling yet again. Maybe I should just learn to keep my mouth shut so I can keep myself out of trouble.

4 August 2008

I know it's been a while since I've last written in here. But I've kind of been busy with a lot of things.

First off a boring ass assignment.

Second off, school (that says enough in itself).

And just trying to stay alive.

The other day after I got beaten up, I couldn't stop looking at the blood coming from my nose. It was so mesmerising, to see something coming from my body that needs harm inflicted upon it, allowing it to spring free from its cage. I'm not sure how long I stood there for, but now as I look back, I am really worried about it. Is it normal to want to see your own blood? I know I may be pale-ish and someone that never sleeps, but I know for sure I'm not a vampire or some supernatural creature. I am human, I bleed and have feelings.

I haven't been eating as much lately either. Luckily my parents haven't noticed as of yet, which is a plus for me. They'd probably send me to a psycho ward if they heard half of the thoughts that are on my mind for half of the day.

Maybe if I start to loose weight, people would want to be friends with me?

6 August 2008

I really want a friend. Not necessarily a best friend. But just...someone. Someone who I can just listen to talk for hours on end. I feel this would be a nice distraction from the chaos that has become my life.

14 August 2008

Today was one of the worst days in a while. Everyone seemed alienated to me. All of them were strange creatures trying to get into my mind and use me however they wish. I couldn't escape them. The glares. The taunts. The laughing. All of their actions held me against my will.