Red Queen One-Shots

Imagine Shade was still alive

Meet the parents I

(Shade and Farley come in holding hands)

Shade: Hello, family. This is my girlfriend Diana.

Farley: Hello.

Shade: Yeah, and we're having a baby.

Gisa: (squeaks)

Farley: (nods)

Ruth: ... Ummm ...

Daniel: Boy ...

Shade: Yes, and before you ask, I did the honourable thing and asked her to marry me. But she broke my heart and said no.

Farley: Shade!

Shade: (kisses her cheek)

Farley: (clears her throat) Well, I said we have more urgent problems and that I'd maybe marry him once our cause has won. (blushes)

Shade: Pray that'll be before we're dead. (smirks)

Tramy: ... And I thought he'd never find a girlfriend.

Bree: Bro, I told you that's bullshit and that Shade'd be the first to settle down. Unlike us ;-)

Farley: Actually, I'm not the "settle down" type of woman.

Shade: Definitely not <3

Meet the parents II

Shade: Now we're gonna tell your dad.

Farley: ... If you say so ...

Shade: Before, I'd like to know his name.

Farley: Why?

Shade: Because - what, is he just like you in this matter??

Farley: Hmph.

(they knock on the Colonel's door)

Colonel F: Come in.

Shade: Good morning, sir-

Farley: Colonel, this is my betrothed, Shade. He's a Newblood, in case you forgot. We're expecting a child and if you have a problem with that - well, complain at Command. Bye. (leaves the room)

Shade: Yeah. Bye. (shrugs and goes after her)

Colonel F: ...Great floods...

Colonel F: ...My girl has sex...?

Colonel F: ...With one of those...?

Colonel F: ...With a guy that's smaller than her...?

Names

Farley: We should think about a name. I have some ideas.

Shade: Okay.

Farley. Those are girl's names. So, I thought of "Scarlet" ...

Shade: (winces)

Farley: ... Or, even better, "Dawn" ... hey, what's up with you? Those are good names.

Shade: (sighs) Dee, I'm talking with experience here. I want my child to have it better someday.

Farley: Yes?

Shade: And with that, I mean I want it to have a normal name.

Farley: Oh.

Shade: A name not overshadowed by meaning.

Birth

Farley: Fuck. Damn. Shit. Ow. Shade! I'm in labour, bring me to the infirmary.

Shade: Oh my ... Bring you? Do you mean ...?

Farley: No. No!! Just walking, okay. Maybe it'll go faster that way...

(5 minutes later)

Farley: Fuck. Damn. Shit ... okay, I can't ... Shade, do the thing, please.

Shade: Of course, Dee. (teleports)

Farley: '#!!7′#987/bi§$-,75??!!3%1s+!

Farley: That. Was. Not. A. Good. Idea. Ugh. Ow.

Shade: I'm sorry, Diana. Are you okay?

Farley: No.

(2 hours later)

Farley: This is all your fault, Shade Barrow. I curse you.

Shade: So, shall I leave ... ?

Farley: Of course not! We're in this together and you fucking stay here!

(3 hours later)

Midwife: It's a girl. Congratulations!

Shade: Thank you!

Farley: (cries)

Shade: Dee, are you alright? You were awesome! And look, she's awesome, too.

Farley: Yes. (sniffs) She's wonderful. (sniffs louder)

Baby Presentation

Mare: (comes back from a mission dressed in Silver blood)

Shade: Mare, look at my lovely little daughter Alys.

Mare: Lovely.

Shade: ...

Shade: Mare, please don't insult me by not daring to hold my beautiful baby.

Mare: (hesitates)

Farley: O my, the mighty Lightning Girl is afraid of a baby. (rolls her eyes)

Cal: Come on, Mare, be nicer to your niece.

Mare: O-kay ... (takes Alys awkwardly)

Mare: So. Has she less of a temper than her mother?

Shade: Umm ...

Alys: (starts crying)

Mare: I take that as a no.

Farley: (snorts)

Insomnia

Farley: Can you walk a little with Alys, please? She won't sleep and I've got a load of paperwork to finish.

Shade: Yes, come here my lovely.

Alys: (bawls)

Shade: (goes out and tries humming)

Alys: (bawls louder)

Shade: Shh, love, what is it? (sighs) Okay, let's try something else.

Shade: (teleports)

Alys: (stops crying)

Shade: Good girl^^

Alys: (pukes on him)

Shade: ... Just like Mommy (sighs) ... Just like Mommy...

First word

Farley: Listen Shade, Alys is speaking!

Alys: Daa - da ...

Shade: O my lovely, can you say daddy??

Alys: Daa - daawn!

Shade: Why ...?

Farley: (smirks) Good girl^^ (strokes her head)