Living as me.

My Beginning.

My name is Sydney, I'm just a teen from the heart of America and the slowest town. I wouldn't say that my life is lustful or scandalous, just because it's not. I'm not a very open person, I'll probably end up regretting this later if not just deleting it. I have a few close friends, I prefer to keep things mutual with people I could call "friends". Both of my parents are still happily married and my sisters and I are close. My friends are great and my boyfriend has been my best friend for four years and he is great.

On paper I seem as though I have the perfect standard life, but paper folds, creases, and rips. I've had my fair share of things to handle. First thing is first, I lied. I'm so fucked up in my head that I think that my close friends actually hate me. All three of them. I'm pretty sure I will never amount to anything and my parents will hate me. My sisters leave me out of everything they've ever done and I am in the middle of every family World War. My nuclear family is just as it seems, I grew up thinking we were all just ticking time bombs only to be proved correct. I write in my spare time and the one time I enter a writing contest with every single person I knew rooting for me, I lost. I didn't even place and the thing that I just can't get out of my head is the fact that the contest didn't have enough people so they didn't choose a runner up. The only thing that came to my mind was that I wasn't even good enough for a pity placement. Did I tell anyone? No.

People like me don't complain. We smile and tell ourselves it's fine. Is it? Of course not. I'm so inside my head that I can't bear to let anyone open my eyes in fear that shedding some light may burn like hell. I've battled with depression, not sadness or grief, actual depression- just to clarify. Instead of telling someone that I need to see a psychiatrist, I take Buzz Feed quizzes and tell myself it's good enough to push aside. No internet quiz is going to sign my prescription. Every time that I mention something about it I am pushed away, my home diagnosis- I'm a teenager. Maybe they're right, it's my age. I could just be that dumb teen who thinks they have a mental illness.  Hell, who doesn't these days? I'm kidding, don't kill me... not yet.

Anyways, that's me. I have more actual stories to share and stuff to talk about, but here's my brief overview. Thank you if you read this and made it to the end.