Forty-one

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Lins POV
I don't want to go home. I don't know where she is and hours of looking doesn't help because of the mass of people in the city. Vanessa runs to the door when I open the door. She runs to me and gives me a huge hug. I cry like a little kid. I just want her to come home. Two days after nonstop searching, the police are at my door. With an envelope that they'd opened. It says on the back,

To Lin, Vanessa and the company of Hamilton.

I am so sorry. I have to leave. I can't take being alive anymore. My past haunts me constantly and no matter what I do, I can't find an escape. No matter what you do! You've done so much for me and I am so grateful for it but there was nothing else you could do for me. I never warned you that I was thinking about killing myself. I'm getting on a train and heading south to a quieter place. I can promise you that I won't survive. This plan is one that can't fail if I am not found in the first day or two and by the time you find this letter It will hopefully be to late. I wanted to repay you for everything you do, but all I could do was take and my health only got worse. I love you guys. The things I left out of my past are all similar. Abuse, sex, neglect, and death. I hope you don't find me ungrateful, though I know suicide is labeled a very selfish way to go. I'm sure you can move on. I hope you can forget me soon. You're all so talented, kind, generous, and I won't forget you even in death. It is time for me to find out what awaits me after my last breath. Maybe I will just meet Hamilton himself. If it works like that, I'll tell him how amazing you all are but I'm not sure anything but eternal sleep will come to me. That isn't bad. It's just what I want.
Love, Niamh.

I ball my eyes out.

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