Of Wildflowers and Gunpowder

Chapter 27

Benjamin and I were married on the first morning of January, 1782. Reverend Tallmadge officiated the ceremony at his parish in Setauket, Long Island, and the entire town seemed to have shown up for the wedding.
     I wore a striking dark purple gown made of the finest silk I'd ever seen, paid for by Alexander Hamilton and the Marquis De Lafayette, both guests of honor at the ceremony. Benjamin was, as always, done up in blue and gold.
     The church, although still being used as a British headquarters, was cleaned and painted and adorned with wildflowers picked by Anna Strong and I.
     "Will you, Major Benjamin Tallmadge, have this woman to be your wife?" His father asked as we stood before the crowd. He nodded, squeezing my hand.
"Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health? And forsaking all others, keep only to her as long as you both shall live?"
"I do."
"And you, Louisa Adams, will you obey him and serve him, love, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health? And forsaking all other, keep only to him as long as you both shall live?"
"I do."
     Reverend Tallmadge smiled and recited the vows, pausing for us to repeat them together.  
     "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part." 
     "With all my worldly goods," Benjamin repeated after his father, "I thee endow."
     He pulled me into a kiss and the people clapped but I barely heard them. I was a wife. To the most wonderful man I knew.
"I present to you, Major and Mrs. Benjamin Tallmadge."
After the ceremony, an enormous bonfire was set in the middle of town (by Caleb Brewster, of course) and we danced until noon, greeting people and reuniting with Benjamin's childhood friends and family.
Alexander Hamilton stood on the back of a wagon and called everyone's attention. "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much for attending such a splendid event in honor of this lovely couple. But now, it is time for them to leave us, as they have a long journey ahead of them to Litchfield, Connecticut where they have a house waiting for them. Benjamin and Louisa, may you have a long and happy marriage."
     The people cheered and we hugged him, thanking him for all he'd done for us.
     Once inside the carriage and out of sight from the guests, I giggled like a little girl as he pulled me onto his lap, kissing me between giddy laughs of his own.
     "Do you think we really have to wait until we get inside the house, Lou?"
     "We're married, aren't we? We can do whatever we want! I've only got you with me for another week; I intend to make use of every moment." Benjamin smiled and pulled the curtains over the windows. He spun me to face him, clumsily unpinning my dress and loosening my petticoats.
     After taking off his coat and waistcoat, I slid the linen shirt over Benjamin's head, revealing the bullet wounds on his shoulder and side. I'd operated on both of them.
     "We'll take it slow," he breathed, running a hand along my stays adoringly, "I know it'll be difficult for you."
      "Thank you. I trust you." I unbraided his hair and let it fall around his face, the way I always liked it.
     His face lit up when I said that, and he unlaced the back of my stays, kissing my neck passionately. The carriage went over a hole in the road and I collapsed onto him, eliciting a laugh from both of us.
     As he tugged my chemise from my shoulders, Ben looked up at me sheepishly. "You're so beautiful."
     I entwined my legs in his and let him take the lead, thankful for his gentle and comforting manner. I wouldn't want to be there with anyone but him, especially after all that I had endured.
     When we were finished, he rolled over next to me on the seat of the carriage, laughing.
     "That was worth the wait, don't you think?" I said, running my hand across his jaw and leaning back to look at the roof. He nodded and reached for his shirt and my shift, "I don't know how I'll be able to go back to regular soldier life after this. You're irresistible."
     I grinned and peeked out of the window to find that we were in the middle of a town, with people milling around. "Benjamin, this is a city! What if someone opens the door?"
     "Let them see," he cried, wrapping his arm around my neck and pulling me to his chest. I never wanted to leave his arms again.
     We reached Litchfield a few hours later, just as the sun was going down. "I believe this is it, Louisa, right up ahead on the left."
     My breath caught in my throat at the sight of our house. Our house. It was just as Benjamin described it, a white exterior, three stories tall with beautiful gabled windows at the top. There were two lovely blue doors on the North and South sides of the house and a small field behind it with patches of snow in the dried grass.
     The carriage driver opened the door and helped us out, a joyful expression on his aged face. "I'll carry your trunk to the door, Madame, you two go ahead inside." I thanked him profusely before taking Benjamin's hand and racing towards the door, eager to explore.
     "Wait, Louisa," Benjamin said before I burst inside, "I've got to carry you over the threshold, of course!" He picked me up and pushed the door open, setting me down inside the grand foyer.
     For the next hour, I dragged Ben around the entire house, sitting in every chair and touching every table I passed. "Look," I exclaimed as we reached the master bedroom, "this is the desk I'll use to write to you. Every day."
     He bent down and kissed the edge of the cedar desk, saying, "Good. Now you can imagine that I'm here, kissing you, every time you sit here." I laughed.
     At the very top of the house, I took both of his hands in mine as we looked out the window, breathing, "It's perfect, Benjamin. Thank you so much."
We spent the rest of the week buying a few extra pieces of furniture, meeting neighbors, exploring the town, and settling into the house.
     On Saturday morning, three days before Ben left for New York, I came upon a flyer on Market Street advertising a family of four slaves about to be split up later that day.
"Strong male, very good in English, ran away from his Master Austin Gates in Philadelphia on the 22nd of March. Named James, aged about 30 years and of middle stature.
Wife named Mary, aged of 28 or 29, speaks proper English and French and able to read. Understands very well how to keep horses and children. Can cook, sew, and quilt.
Two Negroe children ages 5 (female) and 6 (male), promising hard workers. Female is slightly scarred with smallpox. Male is not in good health but can be taught to read and write."
    I pulled the advertisement down and put it in my basket, imagining the slaves my family owned as a child. They were all so kind to me and their children were some of my closest friends. I needed this family as much as they needed me.
     Benjamin wanted me to have a companion and helper while he was gone; this was the perfect opportunity. I raced home to find him reading the Encyclopédie at the kitchen table.
     "How was the market?" He asked without looking up, pulling the chair out beside him. I took the seat and opened the flyer, putting it in front of the book for him to read.
     "What is this? Why are you showing me this?"
     "I thought that we could purchase this family, Ben. They are going to be separated and the boy needs medical help that I can give to him. We can grant them their freedom and hire the mother to help me around the house...just like you wanted."
     He sat back and raised his eyebrows at me. "You want to buy four slaves?"
"And free them, of course. Please, Benjamin, we must help them." 
     He ran a hand through his hair, sighing, "I can't Louise. It's just too much money and too much of a responsibility." I stared at him intently.
     "You get paid twenty eight pounds a month! You always say that we are quite well-off financially and that I shouldn't worry. Sure, it will be difficult and I'll have to go without some things but I want to! You have to come up with a better reason than money."
Benjamin took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair. "I don't like saying this," he admitted, "but I have a slight fear of welcoming a runaway slave and his family into our house. Especially with you being alone. Your experience with slaves has been quite different from mine, love."
I furrowed my eyebrows and took his hands in mine, silently begging for more information.
"When I was at Yale, I watched a man beaten for attacking his master's wife. If that happened to you, I would never forgive myself, dear Louisa. In Setauket, Caleb and I ran into a slave trying to run away in the woods. He knocked us both unconscious and broke Caleb's jaw in the process. And we, being eight year old boys, were traumatized. I just," he hesitated and took a sip from his tea, "don't want to bring unnecessary danger into this household for both of our sakes."
I swallowed hard. Benjamin had a right to be nervous. I knew that in his heart, he would love to free this family and take them under our wings but it was a terrifying thought for him, inviting unknown people into our home.
"I understand. And I'm worried too, Ben, I really am. But what will happen to them if we let them be separated? Why don't we walk down to the Market street and just look? You will have the final say but I just want you to see them."
     He looked at me with his bright blue eyes and laughed a little. "I see what your plan is, Mademoiselle, and I'm willing to go along with it. On the condition," he said, tapping my nose, "that I don't come home from this war to find us three hundred dollars in debt, alright? My wages may pay for this family but they won't pay for much else. Promise not to go around buying every set of silver or oriental rug you see?"
     I smirked. "I don't find myself quite interested in fancy silver and oriental rugs, so I believe you're in luck, Major. Perhaps I could find work as a nurse here in town, also. It would keep me busy and bring in a little extra money."
     "If you'd like, I think that would be a wonderful idea. But do not feel pressure. I've spent barely any of my earnings as a soldier in all the years I have been enlisted. We have plenty of money if we use it wisely."
     I laced my fingers in his and kissed him with a smile. "Ever so responsible. Quite a change from the tavern-going college boy I met back in New Haven, hmm?"
     "Yes, I suppose. But that college boy happened to make your acquaintance, so perhaps he had luck on his side." I smirked.
     Later that day, we arrived at the slave auction just in time for the young boy to be brought onto the platform. He looked terrified and ill, barely able to stand up on his own. His mother screamed and cried for him.
Benjamin looked at me with a knowing smile and whispered, "You knew that if I saw them I'd be unable to resist, didn't you?" Louder, he called, "I'll buy him."
I tried to hide my giddy excitement and squeezed his hand, hoping to convey how much this meant to me.
A few older gentlemen looked at us disdainfully, obviously wondering why these newcomers would want to buy a useless worker.
The younger sister was taken onto the platform in tears and Ben raised his hand to signal that he wanted her. Their mother looked up from her husband's arms and made eye contact with me and Benjamin. I smiled gently and nodded as the woman was dragged up the steps.
"I'll take her, sir," he said once again to the woman's wary relief. Suddenly, another man piped up, attempting to bid on her as well. I was about to encourage Ben to pursue the bid but there was already a fierce look of determination in his eyes. "I'll pay ten pounds more," the other man said confidently.
"Fifteen."
"Twenty pounds."
Benjamin looked at me sideways and whispered, "You're having an effect on me, love." Louder, he called, "I'll pay you thirty pounds extra, sir."
The other gentleman raised his eyebrows and held up his hands in exasperation. The woman looked at Benjamin in amazement.
Her husband was easily bought; nobody wanted a runaway besides us.
     After it was all over, the family was brought to us by the auctioneer himself, the young boy carried by his father.
"Here you are, sir," the auctioneer said to Benjamin as he picked up the young girl and put her in the back of our wagon, "If you find they aren't doing you much good, you can always bring them back here to sell them again."
"Thank you, but I don't believe that will be necessary." When they were paid in full and in the wagon, I climbed into the back with them, trying to ease their fears as they cowered in the corner.
     "Thank you, Ma'am," the man said, "for keeping us together. It means a great deal to us and I promise to work hard. We all will."
     I smiled softly and explained, "We're giving you your freedom; you don't have to work for us. I was hoping perhaps that you," I gestured to the woman, "could be persuaded to live with me—paid of course—to keep me company and help around the house. But you don't have to. You could all stay with us in that case."
     They were stunned. "Mama," the boy breathed, "did she just say we were free?" She nodded and looked at me incredulously.
     "My name is Louisa Tallmadge and this is my husband Benjamin. He's a Major in the Continental Army and will heading back to camp in a few days...so that is why I'm in need of some companionship. If you would like, of course."
     "I-I'm quite overwhelmed, Ma'am," the woman said, "are you sure you want to free us?"
     Benjamin laughed and turned around to face us, "I've already begun working on the paperwork, although it may be a little while before you are all legally manumitted. This was all Louisa's idea; you have her to thank entirely. Now, if you would, tell us your names."
     "I'm James, sir, but you may call me whatever you'd like. This is my wife Mary, and our two children Jack and Lydia."
     "Lovely names," I said, "and such beautiful children as well. I was a doctor for the Continental Army, Jack, so perhaps I could help you find some medicine for whatever seems to be ailing you."
     He smiled and James explained, "He has been ill for over a month now but nobody can diagnose it."
     "Nobody has tried very hard," Mary interjected as we pulled up to the house.
     "This is where we live," Benjamin said, jumping out and helping us from the back, "It isn't quite a palace but you will be comfortable for as long as you choose to stay with us. I'll show you where you can stay and Louisa will cook dinner for us."
     He kissed the top of my head before heading up the stairs, followed by the awestruck family close behind. As I made a meal for the six of us, I thought about Jack and Lydia. They were going to be safe here, I would make sure of it. And James and Mary would never leave each other's arms again.

     The night before Benjamin was to leave for New York, I laid against him beneath the blankets, trying to imagine away the harsh realities of the next morning.
     "Tomorrow is the day, Lou" he said softly, "and how terribly I wish it were not so. I feel as though I've lived my entire life this past week. I can't live without you."
     "I know. I'm afraid, Benjamin. I'm afraid that you or I won't be the same when we meet again and I don't know if I can bear that."
     He pulled me closer and kissed me until we were both out of breath. "We may not be the same after all this, but I will still love you. That much I am certain of."
     As we both drifted into sleep, I heard him whisper, "You have changed my life, Louisa."

     The next morning, I awoke to him stirring and shifted into his arms, letting him pull me into another kiss before he began rolling out of bed.
I grabbed his arm and wrapped my legs around his to keep him from getting up, eliciting a chuckle from Benjamin. "Come on, Lou, we've only-"
He erupted into resigned laughter as I leaned over him and kissed his neck, tickling him and forcing him to stay in the bed.
"Alright, that's it. I'll have to hand you over to Major Tallmadge now, Miss. He's not so merciful." I giggled as he pulled me into his arms and kissed along the bullet scar on my stomach.
     Just then, there was a faint knock on the door and I pulled the blankets around me sheepishly as Benjamin hurriedly put on his breeches before opening the door. It was Lydia.
     "Good morning, dear," I said, holding the quilt to cover my bare chest but inviting her to sit on the edge of the bed. Benjamin laughed at my unashamed invitation as he slid a shirt over his head, tossing me a shawl.
     "Are your parents awake?"
     She shook her head and jumped into my lap excitedly. Despite her shyness at first, she had grown extremely attached to me in the past few days and her energy was contagious.
     "They told me to go back to sleep but I wanted to see Lucy and Benny and tell you about my dream!" 
     Benjamin tried to contain a laugh.
     "Oh, certainly, I cannot wait to hear about your dream," I said, "so how about you go downstairs and wait in the parlor and I'll be down as soon as I'm dressed. You could even help me cook breakfast if you'd like!"
     She gasped at the prospect of sitting in the parlor and raced out of the room, making an enormous amount of noise on the way down the steps.
     "You're quite the mother," Benjamin said as he pulled my stays and petticoats from the old wardrobe and handed them to me, "I'll miss seeing the spectacle."
Once we were both dressed, Ben in his dragoon uniform once again, we quietly made our way into the parlor to find Lydia playing with the chess pieces on the table.
"I've never been in a parlor before," she said as we led her into the kitchen, "I imagined it more like a painting I once saw of a castle. But yours is pleasant too, I suppose."
I smiled and helped her into the chair next to Benjamin while I prepared some bread and jam for breakfast.
"Are you leaving today, Benny?" She asked innocently, making me cringe from my place at the stove. I didn't want to even think about it.
     "I am, Lydia," I head him say gently, "Now you must promise me something, will you? You have to help Lucy not be so sad when I'm gone. We are going to miss each other very very much...but you have to tell her everyday that I love her. Can you do that?"
     "Oh yes, I know I can! Would you like me to do that right now?"
     I turned around with tears in my eyes as she ran over to me, whispering, "Benny loves you very much." I couldn't stop myself from crying as Benjamin stood and embraced me, his arms wrapped around my body as I shook with sobs.
     "There will never be anyone for me but you, Louisa," he whispered, his voice thick with sorrow.
     There was a knock on the door and I could see the carriage from the window. This was it.
     "Don't forget about me," I said as he linked his arm in mine and brought me outside.
     "Keep yourself out of danger, will you Ben? And write to me every day."
     "I promise. It is only a momentary separation; we'll be reunited soon. I love you." He pressed his lips to my knuckles as a tear rolled down his cheek.
     I couldn't breathe. "I don't want to do this, Benjamin. I just want you to stay. Why couldn't the General have just forbidden our marriage; it would have been easier to say goodbye."
     Ben took my face in his hands and curled a piece of my hair around his finger, trying to smile.
     With shaking hands, I helped him into the carriage and pulled him down so we were even with each other. "I love you, Benjamin Tallmadge," I cried, barely able to force out the words.
     He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me passionately, sobs racking our bodies. "I'll see you soon."
     As I watched the accursed black carriage take away my husband, I fell to my knees in the grass just inside the white picket fence, weeping silently. I couldn't bear the thought of the next few months.

(Find the next chapter coming up in "Of Parchment and Saltwater" I just published the first chapter of that so go to my profile!!)