The 100 Walking Dead

Part 9

Murphy

I grunted as I dug the shovel into the dirt and lifted it up. I was digging up some of the land in order to make room for new crops, but with the sun beating down on me, it was hard work. My leather jacket laid on the floor behind the back end of the campervan. I faced the building as I dug, put the shovel in the ground, stand on it, heave the dirt, dump it down, chuck a few seeds in the hole and fill it back in, repeat. I wiped the sweat off of my forehead with the back of my arm, it was exhausting. "Hi," a sweet voice greeted me and I glanced up to see a pale skinned blonde girl with a messy ponytail and blue eyes looking at me, she wore a grey vest top and light blue jeans. I remained silent and focused on the dirt. She crouched down in front of me and started picking fruit off of the vines in front of me.

She looked up at me as she harvested the crops, "My name's Riley, I know I introduced myself back there, but incase you didn't catch it... Anyway, Rick isn't happy with you but Daryl seems to like you." I remained silent and started digging another hole. "Your name's Murphy, right?" She asked and continued to focus on the digging, I didn't reply. Riley continued talking, "Where you from? I'm originally from Detroit, but then we went to Chicago, stayed in Eastside, 102nd Street to 112th, before it was destroyed a year later. Then we moved up near the United Centre, from West Roosevelt Road to West Madison Street. From South Damon Avenue to South Rachine Avenue, basically the Medical District and Little Italy. It was alright until it wasn't," she laughed lightly, "They actually taught me everything I know, taught me how to shoot. I'm a good shot, but Melody is better, she never misses or hesitates. But I'm not far behind. And Imara, my sister, that's where she learned all her medical shit, she's smart, and she is actually pretty nice, well she was until the shit hit the fan. And don't tell her I said that because I'm still holding a grudge. But enough about me, What about you? Are you a good shot?"

It's not that I didn't want to talk to her, it's just I didn't see any point in making friends when we'd probably be leaving soon. Or if she did become my friend, she'd probably wind up dead like everyone I've ever loved. She looked up at me, her blue eyes soft and gentle, "Y'know they're not bad people here-"
"Bullshit," the words escaped my tongue, my voice slightly pissed off, I wasn't mad at her, I was angry at the world. I threw the seeds in the hole and started on another.
Riley shook her head, "No it's not. They're good people-"
"No." I cut her off, my voice still bitter but quiet, "No, good people are dead."
Riley stopped picking veg and looked at me, her eyes gentle, "That's not true, Murphy-"
"It is." I chucked my shovel down and begun angrily walking over to my jacket, Riley got up and followed, as I continued to snap, "Everyone left is either bad or extremely bad. All the good people die or are already dead." I bent down and yanked my jacket up.

Riley stared at me, she was smaller than me and she looked up at me, her eyes still gentle, "That's not true."
I stood with my jacket on my shoulder and hissed, "Yes it is true."
She shook her head and stood up straight, "If it is true then what are you?"
I looked at the floor and muttered, "Well, my people seem to believe the latter."
I felt her watching me, stepping closer towards me, she softly asked, "What do you believe?"
I looked up at her and muttered, "It doesn't matter what I think." I then stared directly at her and half-shouted, "It doesn't matter that I've only killed three people and they've killed hundreds, because I'm always the bad guy. It doesn't matter how much I help them or risk my life for them, because I'm always the guy everybody hates."

"Is everything alright?" A voice asked and I looked up at the top of the campervan to see a woman with dark skin and dreads, with a sword on her back, looking down at us.
I looked back at Riley and she nodded, "It's fine, Michonne," she dismissed her.
"Are you sure?" I heard her check.
Riley nodded again, giving a smile, she dismissed him, "I'm sure," she paused and said, "Tell Mags it's her favourite tonight; Rabbit Stew."
"I will do," Michonne said and I heard her footsteps walk off.

I walked passed Riley, barging into her shoulder as I passed her. I saw Clarke and some other girl doing some washing and diverted my course, walking along a path between some crops, heading towards the door. "Wait!" Riley called after me but I ignored her and kept walking. I barged the door open and looked to see Imara and Melody chopping up rabbit heads. Turned and headed through the door leading to the games room. I heard Melody asking Riley if she was okay as the door shut behind me. The games room was empty. I headed straight forward and into the bathroom, Riley's footsteps following me. I grabbed a chair that was at the side of the door and put it under the door handles, stopping Riley from following.

I turned around and saw my face looking back at me. I saw the scars on it and some bruises, my face still healing. I walked straight up to the mirror, resting my hands on the edge of the sink. I stared at he dark circles under my blue eyes and the stubble growing on my face, my black hair was getting shaggy. Emori would cut it for me... but she's not here. Nobody is ever here.

I'm not a coward, I've never fled a battle but the first one they kicked me out the camp after they caught me killing the second out of the two guys I killed and then tried to hang Bellamy. I never meant to hurt Raven, I wouldn't have hurt Bellamy if he didn't catch me. I had my reasons. They left me for dead, they left me to get tortured by rivals. I looked at my hands, my nails had grown back after the rivals had ripped them out. They tortured and beat me for three days before infecting me with a disease and letting me go. That's when I killed two of the four guys that left me for dead. The second battle I was captured by the female leader of the camp, she kept me in chains and took a liking to me. I didn't want to, I had a girlfriend. But she's dead too, we were in the woods, just exploring, when we got taken.

So now I'm lost, because everyone I loved has died. And every time I try and do the right thing, it's never enough. So I'll be the sarcastic asshole I am, that way nobody will see my pain and it doesn't matter if people hate me because I don't care. But I do care. I just want to be accepted. But if I let my guard down then they'll get killed too.

Fuck.

I clenched my fist, all my anger building up. The door handles rattling, but I ignored Riley's pleas to let me in. I'm an asshole. That's what I am. An unwanted asshole, that everyone hates. I stared at my reflection, water filling my eyes. I will not cry. I raised my fist and smashed it into the glass, shattering it. My fist stung as some shards pierced it and blood ran down. I was still pissed. I turned and kicked the wall over and over again, grunting from the pain and anguish, holding back tears. Blood smeared the wall as I punched it with my cut fist. I heard a toilet flush and pulled myself together, I'd forgotten about the other door. "Who's there?" I called, my voice hoarse.

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Author's Notes: A longish chapter, Sorry(?)

The road names are like the perimeter of the quarantines, I just feel location is kinda important and I just want to give you an idea of where everything is situated. Chicago is HUGE! And I don't know if I've already said or not, but I'm not American and I've never been to America so sorry if my geography is off.