i never meant it. any of it. i really do miss you; i want you back here, with me. i want you to hug me and play with my hair and remind me of happier times just like you used to. i want you to ignore me and not listen when i remind you of my phobias and ask about personal things that i don't want to share and joke about killing yourself. i want you to insist that i don't transition and tell me to be a girl again and tell me i'm too feminine to be a boy and compare me to female characters for evidence and misgender me and call me the wrong name and pronouns in private again. i want you to call me a "thing" and an "it" again.
just once more, because i want to forget that i broke off contact with you and messed up so fucking badly.
i just want you back here. i just want to apologize and go back to you deadnaming me and calling me a girl and comparing me to kurt hummel because i look like him when i wear that hat and sweater combination you helped me pick out. i don't care if you were, or are still, toxic, i just want that old relationship back.
is that too much to ask?
