Have You Ever Wanted To Disappear?

Three

I looked around the circle of trees to see nothing in sight, so I decided to keep doing what I was doing. I leaned up against the tree and sat down, I looked up at the sky. It was a full moon tonight and the stars filled the sky around it, the longer I looked the more stars appeared. I wanted to cry because of this. The world was an extraordinary place and people were doing things all the time, like having friends and doing things that they like to do and I just sat around being depressed.  I have no friends, and I don't do fun things because I'm too busy being dragged down by myself, and it's not like I like sitting around being obsessed with sadness, I just don't have the ability to do anything else. I felt tears stream down my face, "I just wish I could do something, anything" I said out loud to myself. My head dropped into my hands and I started to sob. "May?", I heard a voice and I looked up to see Patrick. He stood infront of me, his dirty blonde hair peeked a little over his forehead, he wasn't wearing his glasses and his eyes focused on mine. "What are you doing here?" he asked. He stepped back a little so I had room to stand up, I stood and started to wipe my eyes quickly so he wouldn't know I was wasting my pathetic evening sitting in a forest crying about how lame I am. I decided to respond with "I was just admiring the full moon", after I said I realized that was literally just as lame as saying, "I was

just crying because my life sucks". He looked at me a little bit after I responded, "Were you crying?". I looked down at the ground, "No of course not" I then focused back at him too see he was looking at me with that kind of 'I totally know you're lying' look. He kind of crossed his arms, "I umm.. I was just taking a walk, do you want to join me or?" I started to walk the same way I came from, "Yeah sure. Let's go". 

We walked beside eachother in silence until we arrived at the bridge, I didn't really look up from the ground, so Patrick stopped me a little bit and turned to me, "Is there something wrong? If I did something wrong you can just tell me, I swear to god I'll leave you alone". Leave me alone? Why would he think he did something wrong? "No no, Patrick you did absolutely nothing wrong. I'm just sad. I'll be fine, just don't worry about me" I said, and went to go start walking before I was kind of stopped by something he said. "I know that feeling, and I know you were crying and I'm not going to pick on you because of it. I get it if you don't want to talk about it, and I know it's non of my business but if you even need anyone to talk to about anything, like literally anything I'm here". I turned back to him,  "Why? Why are you being so nice to me? I'm not getting mad or anything I'm just wondering why." He regained his position beside me and looked at me in the eyes, "Because I know what it's like to have no friends, and have no one to talk too, I have no one either and it sucks. You seem different from other people, you're not some popular girl who has everything she wants and that's not a bad thing. You seem nice and it sucks to see you be upset". 

We started to walk across the bridge, and then I started to truly understand why Patrick was being so nice to me. His black graphic t-shirt revealed his arms and I saw the scars that covered them. I didn't ask him about his arms, I knew it was like to have so much self-hatred that you actually harmed yourself because of it. But Patrick saw me look at his arms and started to explain why he had done something so wrong to himself. "Yeah, I don't do it anymore" he said lifting up his fore-arms a little bit, "I've been clean for awhile now, but the scars haven't really gone away yet". He put his hands on my shoulders, "I just... I don't want you to end up doing this to yourself. Have you?" I shook my head no. He smiled a bit and let go of my shoulders, "that's good, you should keep it that way". He turned forward and we kept walking, he looked so beautiful, how could someone so gorgeous want to do something so terrible to themselves. "Patrick", he turned to me, "Thank you, for everything" I said. I put my hands on his arms and looked at it, I started to feel his pain, and I saw all the battles he had with himself. I lifted his arm to my lips and kissed it gently. I looked up at him and he looked a little shocked, like he had never had someone care about him before. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly, it took a minute for him to comprehend that I was hugging him, but after that he hugged me back and I felt his face lean against my shoulder. "You can trust me too, you know" I whispered and he hugged tighter.

He eventually let go, and we just continued to walk, he shoved his hands in his pockets and blew his hair out of his face. "So, maybe we can umm... you know, hang out sometime?" he asked. I kind of got excited at that thought, someone actually wanted to hang out with lame old May Gibson. "For sure, I'd love to hang out with you", he smiled. I had a feeling this was going to be good for me, and maybe for him too.