I sit here and wonder to myself will things ever be like it was when I wasn't forced to change. The constant pressure from my friends to adopt their practices. They stop asking if I can come over and hang out like we used to. I ask them if they would spend the afternoon with me and maybe stay for tea. They always respond with the same disinterested reply of no. I have only one person to be with and one shoulder to cry on when I'm upset, my brother. "Loki, it's time to come inside for dinner," my mother calls out. I call back to her, "Alright Mother, I'm coming." I walk back through the garden and take my time to admire the flowers that have bloomed.
"Help your brother set the table Loki," my mother tells me as I walk through the door. Instead of replying, I begin to set the table and my brother, Pwyll, comes down the steps. We finish setting the table and help my mother put the food on the table. My father walks through the door looking exhausted. My mother takes notice and looks up from cleaning the kitchen to talk to him, "Good evening dear, how was work?" My father only grunts in reply. My brother and I share a glance, we know this night will end up with our father drunk and our mother in tears. This habit only started a few months ago. He used to be kind and treat our mother with respect, but recently he began to change just like the other people of the town.
As we sit down to dinner my father orders my mother to get him a beer. She does as he asks because she doesn't want to give him a reason to hurt her. My chest tightens up because I'm nervous about how the night will go from here. My brother squeezes me hand and gives me a reassuring glance. I slightly relax at this gesture and eat my food. My mother comes back with my father's beer. She sits next to him and eats her food quietly. My father gets up and leaves the table to the living room. My brother tells my mother to rest while we do the dishes. My mother simply says thank you before going up to her bed. My brother looks around before whispering to me, "Stay in my room tonight, I have a feeling that it's going to get ugly tonight and I want you to be safe. I also know you'll probably have a panic attack, so I won't take no for an answer." I pause to think before answering him, "Ok. I just don't want to be alone when he is like this."
After we finished cleaning up, my brother grabbed my hand and quickly brought me to his room. After thirty minutes had passed, I began to hear my father yelling at my mother. I could only just pick up the sound of her tears. I curled myself up around a pillow and clung to it for dear life. My breathing picked up and my chest began to feel like I was being squeezed by a boa constrictor. "Breathe, Loki. Breathe in, hold it for a few seconds, and breathe out." Pwyll told me as he rubbed circles in my back to try to calm me down. My breathing slowed down and the pressure on my chest was diminishing. Then the sounds of things smashing and breaking were heard along with the screams of my mother. "Stay here. I will lock the door, I'm going to make sure that she is ok and to stop him." He gets up to leave and I grab on to his arm. I look up to him with pleading eyes and tell him not to leave me alone. My pleas are ignored and he shakes me off his arm and locks the door.
I cry as I hear shouting. It's my father yelling at Pwyll. I hear my mother tell Pwyll to leave and that she is going to be fine. "No, Mother you are bruised and cut, I will not allow you to get hurt anymore. I'm taking you and Loki out of this place." My brother shouts. I curl up again and my tears soak the pillow, I can't stand shouting. "No you will not. You are going to stay here. Hey, young man stop now." My father shouts back. I then hear a loud bang and my mother's screams and sobs, "You killed him. You killed my son." I then begin to have a panic attack again. Except this time I can't breathe and no one is here to calm me down. My last memory is of my father telling my mother good.
I begin to have a dream about a memory of me and my brother from five months ago. "If I ever die promise me you won't become like the people from the town. I know you've noticed the change too. Father will probably try to force mother to change and you as well. I just want to know I can count on you to be who you've always been. They will want to destroy you and who you are if you don't conform, but I know you can go through it." He tells me seriously. I turn to him, "Why are you being so serious Pwyll. Do you plan on dying anytime soon? You know I don't like to be alone." I start to tear up. "Hey. Hey. Don't cry. I just want to know if you can be strong for me. Can you do that?" He wipes my tears. I told him I couldn't do it. He mumbles out a please think about as he hugs me and I snivel in his shoulder.
