Situationship. (True Story)[COMPLETED]

"I like your conversation."

I found myself speaking to him again after I told myself that this wouldn’t end well. I had even told myself I would never see him again. This feeling. Whatever it was. I wasn’t sure what to call it, but he gave me an intensity that I had not felt in a long while.

I was riding with it.

My “Boyfriend” still existed, but his days were limited as I was starting to ignore him. I was fed up, but still for whatever reason I was hanging on. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe if this fling didn’t go well I’d have something to fall back on? That was what I was trying to tell myself, but I knew damn well I was done with that relationship.

How funny was it that we had the same last name. I smiled down at my screen as we spoke. Exchanging our likes, and dislikes. The basics. I wasn’t one for small talk, but he made it easy.  We sent messages back and forth frequently.

I was honestly an emotional train wreck. How could I imagine talking or even pursuing anything else. My current relationship had taken a toll on me, and I was already looking at men a little funny.

Nico sent me a picture through text. It was of two tattooed hands. The woman had queen of diamonds, the man's; king of hearts.

“I don’t know why, but this makes me think about us.” came directly after I’d received the picture. I cringed. For whatever reason I started laughing.

“Why? Why does that make you think of us?” I was honestly curious. “I don’t know, but It could be.” Followed right after.

I wasn’t sure how I felt. I had never been called a queen, not by anybody. I wasn’t  sure if that was true about me or not. Due to all the things I was doing right now I wasn’t sure what rang true in me.

“Oh. That's sweet.” I sped right on my past his feelings like I'd been doing. We may have spoke on just about everything else, but I had yet to speak on my heart.

This one day he grew livid. “That's it? Tell me how you feel.”

I feel.. I began to type watching as the word bar flashed. How did I feel?

I feel..Horny. I laughed, and deleted that.

“I'm not sure. I like talking to you.” I told him honestly. I couldn't feel, and I didn't want to.

“So fucking tired of this,Fluff.”

Fluff.

It was a nickname I had attained from him. My leave out in my amature sow ins would grow puffy from the humidity. No amount of heat could keep my hair straight. Hence the nickname.

He thought it was funny.

“Than leave me alone. I can't make you stay.”

I shrugged as I sent it. He was causing more bad than good anyway.

I stared at my phone waiting for him to respond back as he usually would. I'd said those very words many times over and still he'd continue to talk.

A minute turned into 5.

5 turned into 10.

I stopped waiting. Was I supposed to cry? I questioned myself as I hit the power button on my phone, clicking the screen off. Admittedly I felt empty without our conversation.

That was the only thing I felt.

I shut my eyes to sleep for work tonight.

At work I laughed with my coworkers, and friends. I was generally positive, but in these moments no matter how much I smiled, and laughed I didn't feel happy.

Maybe if I kept laughing I'd be okay I told myself.

“I can't.” his texted came at 12am.

I was sitting in the dining hall at my job. I was working the psych ward tonight. Normally all of my residents would have been up due to sundownings, but tonight for some odd reason they were sleeping.

I eyed his words resting my cheek against my fist.

“I like your conversation.” I sent in response.

“How do you feel about me?”

“Here we go with this again.”

“Yes. Here we go with this again! Trying to get you to tell me how you feel at all is like pulling teeth!”

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“So leave me the fuck alone!” I typed, but didn't send.

I deleted it.

“I'm sorry. You know my situation.”

“So leave that dude.”

I thought about him. My boyfriend. My family liked him. They joked about us having kids, and getting married.

My dad was swept away in the fact that he was a handyman. It was needed and necessary to him.

Yeah he was all of those things, but he was angry, and controlling. He isolated me away from friends, and people. He’d accused me of infidelity over the time we’d been together.

He'd even went through my phone, and deleted everything that remotely looked masculine.

He went through my phone just to go through my phone.

It was so easy for him to invade my privacy. To accuse me of fucking somebody.

I don't know why I hadn't suspected his issues when I caught him looking through my phone a month into us dating.

I remember saying,“What are you doing?” he jumped throwing my phone next to him.

He only laughed.

I had a lot of dudes I talked to. Yeah, but my purpose wasn't to get with them.

“I am.”

I couldn't tell you what was making me wait to end it all.

“You at work?” I was happy for the subject change.

“Yea. I'm in the psych ward.”

“When you get off you should come this way.”

it'd been about two weeks now, and I hadn't seen him again. At least that promise still stood strong in my heart.

“To tired.”

“When can I see you again”

Never..I thought.

“Soon.” a lie that I thought was a lie until I actually did see him again that same week.

I typed in his passcode to his floor, and he buzzed me up. I hit 7 once I was in the elevator.

What was I doing? He didn't live close, and he stayed in a bad neighbor too.

I sighed as I stepped off the elevator. Walking to the end of the hall before making a right turn.

“it's open.”

I eyed my phone as my footsteps drew closer.

I twisted the knob to the front door pushing the door open. Still standing there I had not crossed the threshold.

He stood on the opposite end of the island as our eyes met. A heat like no other infiltrate my 5’2 stature. That same heat burned behind his coal colored irises

The door softly clicked behind me as I stepped in, and  shut it.
............................