firsts

ten

It was the weekends. There was a smell of pancakes in the room. And maple syrup. I must have been having a sweet dream of food, I thought at first. But it was reality that I was smelling. Adam didn't leave in the next morning. Instead he had brought all his clothes, toothbrush and toothpaste, so that he could stay over for the weekend. I tried to send a glare at him, but my eyes were fidgeting from the long sleep. I suppose that I didn't seem very intimidating as Adam smiled at me and said good morning.

Resigned, I convinced that this weekend would be the last that we'd spend together. Maybe having some closure would help with the farewell.

"I'm not going anywhere."

He said as if he could read my mind.

"I thought for a while ever since... ever since then. But I can't go on like this. This place, your place, is the only place that I could rest in. The only place that I can sleep. And I feel that you need me as well, don't you? If you hate it so much, then...then"

I ruminated over his words. He must have thought long and hard over what he wanted to say, choosing what ways to say it, what ways would touch me.

"Adam, you have your own people surely. They'll miss you. They'll comfort you."

He shook his head, his eyes were clouded. I couldn't read them anymore like I used to.

"I have no one. I'm alone."

Then it struck me. He was truthful, there were no lies to what he said. He was alone. He was alone like I was. I was sure that he must have had his own family, his own friends. People who would understand him, and also feel the grief of losing the person close to Adam. Why hadn't I believe that he might be like me? Why had I believed that all the people outside of my walls would be different from me.

"Stay over for a weekend."

He glanced up hopefully at me and smiled, nodding happily. I could make him smile. I felt relief swell inside me.