Fixated

((09))

My head throbbed as I pulled it off of the soft pillow. 

The window beside me was open, a light breeze blowing in. I reached out, pulling it closed. 

When did I open it?

I remember climbing into bed after my mom woke me up, I remember her comforting me until I fell asleep again... 

What time is it?

I leaned over, feeling around the bed for my phone. I left it here earlier... 

I finally felt it, pulling it out from under my pillow. I scrolled through the few missed calls, mostly from Brooke, one from my dad. 

Gross. 

I had three text messages from Archer. 

"What's up, Lover?"

"I hear there's drama at your house... You okay?" 

"Seriously, call me or something."

I rolled my eyes, scrolling over and clicking the small phone symbol. I listened to it ring, letting it go to voicemail.

"Hey, I'm fine. There was drama, not gonna lie it was a shitty day. You don't have to call me back, just don't annoy me if you won't answer your phone," I said, hanging up. 

I shoved my phone in the waistband of my jogging pants, almost slipping on the dress laying in the floor. 

I bent over, grabbing the dress and several other items of clothing from the floor. If I plan on living in my room from now on, I should really clean it up. 

I carried the clothes to my bathroom, tossing them in the hamper and slamming the lid shut. It didn't do anything for the pain coursing through my head or for the anger coursing through my body. 

Why am I so angry?

It's like everything I look at is disgusting and old. I need a completely new room. 

"I'm glad to see you up and about. Even if it is nearly noon,"

I turned around, my mom coming into view as I exited the bathroom. 

"I can't live in my bed, mom. I can live in my room though," I mumbled, leaning against the wall beside my bed. 

She huffed loudly, admitting defeat I guess. 

"You need to go out, honey. Why don't you take that trip that you wanted to take?" She asked, sitting on my bed. 

I sat next to her, pulling my legs up beside me and curling up into my comforter. 

"I don't know. I always planned on doing that with Brooke and Casper. Now..." I mumbled, not able to form any words to describe how I feel. 

I'm just so angry... but then I'm not. I'm sad, but I'm not. I can't decide how I feel because I can't decide if what went down between me and Casper was real, it all just feels like a nightmare. Every single time I check my phone I expect it to be Casper, sending me a message that says he loves me, that he misses me. 

"You miss him. That's okay, Raeleigh. You will miss him," She said, reaching out and brushing my hair off my shoulder. 

It's not okay...

I jumped up, jerking myself away from her. 

"No, mom! It's not okay. Nothing is okay. Can't you see that? My life is so screwed up right now and you have the audacity to keep telling me how okay I am? How okay it is to fall apart. It's not okay, mom. It's not okay because the second I fall apart, he steps in. He comes in, vengeance on his mind- ready to piss all over everything. I would take that trip if I could. I am so ready to leave all of this drama behind, leave my crazy stalker behind. But I'm pretty sure that the second I leave he will follow, then he'll really have me cornered."