How long can we keep this up? Merthur

Chapter Two

*Arthur's POV*

Tears stream down my face silently as I sit next to the bed that contains a dying Merlin. Apparently, he is just barely hanging on to life. Gaius tells me he's in pain and should be let go, but I won't let it happen. I will not give up on Merlin. Not now, not ever.
"Arthur?" I don't turn when I hear Gaius' voice behind me. "Have you been here all night?"
I don't look away from Merlin's face for a few moments. I turn to see Gaius who has a look of concern on his face.
"Yes, I have." I say, my voice dull.
"Sire, you should be back in your own chambers,"
"Gaius, I'm not leaving until Merlin is alright." I say sternly.
The court physician sighs and decides not to argue any longer. He leaves the room and I bury my face in my hands.
Gods, why did this have to happen to him? I shouldn't have let him go to the forest. If I had just made him stay...
"Sire?" I turn my head to see Gaius peeking in. "You're needed at the door."
I sigh and wipe my face quickly, getting up from the side of the bed. I open the door, slightly frustrated.
Sir Gwaine bows as soon as he sees me, looking nervous. "Is Merlin alright?"
I stare at him for a moment before slowly shaking my head. Gwaine sighs and says, "Will he get better?"
I don't say anything, just stare past the knight to look in the hallway. "We're not sure yet," Gaius answers for me. "The best option right now would be to let him go, but-"
"NO!" I yell, silencing both of them. I immediately feel bad. "S-sorry, I didn't-"
"It's alright, I understand." Gaius smiles sadly at me, and I look away.
"Sire, we were scheduled to train an hour ago, is the session cancelled?" Gwaine asks sympathetically.
"Yes, yes." I say vaguely.
The knight nods. "If there's anything I can do..."
I only give him a small smile and turn to walk back to Merlin. I hear the door shut behind me and sigh deeply. "Gaius, this is all my fault." I say miserably.
"Arthur, don't ever think that," my old friend comes over to comfort me. "You had no idea that bandits would attack the forest."
"If I had just made him stay..." I shake my head. "How could I be so stupid?"
"This was not your doing, sire," Gaius sighs and puts his hand on my shoulder.
"Why do I care so much?" I say quietly. "He's just my servant, I can get another one."
"He's your friend," the physician tells me. "Merlin has always been there for you, Arthur. I don't suppose he will leave your side now."
I look up at him and sigh. I suppose he is my friend, no matter how many times I deny it. Of course I'll be upset that my friend is dying.
"Sire, you should get some rest," Gaius suggests calmly. "You didn't sleep last night, did you?"
I shake my head. "Alright," I say softly, reluctant to leave him. "I'll be back later."
"Of course," he smiles and I take a peek at Merlin before leaving the room for the first time in days.
As soon as I leave Gaius' chambers, the sunlight hits my eyes and I squint for a few moments before adjusting to the brightness. I sigh and start heading to my chambers, a pounding headache coming along.
Someone suddenly bumps into me and apologizes immediately and bows. "Sorry, sire,"
I look at the clumsy fellow and realize it's one of Merlin's old friends that I'd seen once or twice when we went to Ealdor. "Are you a friend of Merlin?" I ask, voice sleepy.
The man looks at me in surprise and nods. "I heard he was dying... is it true?"
I nod slowly. "He will get better." I say, mostly trying to convince myself.
"Right," he gives me a sad smile. "I'm Jason, by the way. I've gotta go, sorry, sire," he adds quickly before rushing off.
I shake my head and turn to walk back to my chambers, realizing how tired I really am.
I lay in bed, not sleeping, only thinking.
Why do I care so much? He's only a servant. No, he's my friend.
No matter how much I won't admit it around people, Merlin is my friend.
But I'm acting as if Guinevere were dying, not just a friend.
I just can't imagine life without Merlin. Life without my friend, my best friend, actually. Life without that clumsy, cheeky fellow who always seems to find a way to cheer me up, though I never acknowledge his contribution to my happiness.
I can't live without him.
He can't die.