A new beginning ?

Reality (chapitre 1)

A/N : Hi ! Ok so here it is : I actually am writing a story about Emily Prentiss and Derek Morgan in french. But I wanted to write it also in english so that more people could read it. Little problem : I'm french and not really that good at speaking english. So, first of all I do apologize for all the mistakes I did writing this chapter (and the next ones) and  I hope you'll understand it and enjoy it ! Let me know in the comments if you want me to keep writing this story in english or if you don't really care ;) (promise I won't be hurt or upset^^) !

EMILY's P.O.V

It's been three month. Three month since Hotch had called me, asking me to come back because Declan was in trouble and Doyle had been caught.

 However, even if this case is solved I still remember the look on their faces when I walked in that room, the room we are used to gathering when we must debrief on a case.

Penelope was the first one to hug me, so hard that we almost fell, with tears in the eyes. Seeing her acting like this made me realize how much I have been missing her and the rest of my 'family'. Rossi was the second one to welcome me as his own daughter. He was simply smiling, but I knew he was a little bit shaken and upset. He just didn't want it to be seen by all of us. That's propably why I such admire this guy. He is full of compassion, sensitive, and moreover he may be the only one here (except JJ and Hotch) who is able to put things into perspective and so that get over the idea JJ and Hotch were people at fault and the ones to blame.

While Rossi's still embracing me, I raise my head until my eyes were on JJ's. She stands with Hotch in the back. As they're smiling at me, I look at them and move my head to thank them once again for all they've done to me.

Then I turn to Reid who's very emotional. When I saw him tears filling in the eyes, I felt totally heartbreak and guilty for making them believe I was dead. That feeling went bigger especially when Reid came to me and gave me a huge hug. We all know he had been through a lot of things that can be assimilated as abandonment. First, his dad when he was a kid and, more recently, Gideon. The idea of making him suffer that way one more time killed me.
 Spence's like a little brother to us, so I'm going to make sure he is ok in the following days, I have to do it.

But what attracts all my attention that day were not Penelope's cries or Rossi, Reid, JJ and Hotch's smiles but Morgan's horrified and shocked face. I remember the way he stood up : he was rigid and did not say a word or make any moove. His attitude got me frozen even though I was so happy to see him. I knew he was the one who had suffered the most and as I was thinking of him broken by my fault, I felt tears filling my eyes. I was not going to cry because I didn't want them to see how I was affected by the situation, so I just walked over to Derek in order to be closer; because it was clear he wasn't capable of doing anything.

I pull him into a hug whispering "I am sorry Derek, so sorry". He did not react until he was forced to because we had to find Declan and solve the case.

The case ended, and it's been several weeks that I remembered this scene. Everytime I think about it I can't do anything but feeling guilty and responsible for making them suffer, and it hurts. Yeah truth be told : it hurts a lot.
 Sometimes I smile when I realize profiling co-workers is not allowed, but I'm still doing it. Why, I'm not sure, maybe I would say that my narrow-minded side is not indifferent from this behavior; but I need to understand. I want to understand how to make things be the way they used to, even before Doyle returned. You know, all that kind of things we used to do : party, laughs, chilling on saturdays...

But, even if I'm on it all day long I can't figure it out. So to make it clear, I spend my all days laying on the couch and thinking of the answer I've been looking for for months now. But nothing. I don't know.
 Day after day, still on the same couch in my former apartment that I started to reappropriate, I keep searching, holding that same old white frame. I look at them one by one : on the picture Hotch's on the left with his habitual suit, then come Rossi, I, Morgan, Reid, JJ and Penelope. We are all together, holding champagne glass in Rossi's wonderful kitchen. Happy and beautiful family ... as before....

All of a sudden something pulls me from my thoughts : my phone's ringing.