S U B M E R G E D (Phan)

• 1 •

The First Domino

In a town like this, bad things like Phil's disappearance is next to unheard of. It is given that no one is ever completely safe in this world, but despite knowing such, none of us could have ever imagined what grim truth really happened that night. The outcome of events so interwoven that one after another they pushed each other like falling domino until there were none standing....

Never should I have let such a sequence of events occur. The trigger being one simple day when my childish brain decided something that would soon cause the town and my life to spiral into turmoil...
There are many things I wish I could undo, whether I made the right choice or not.... of course I am a completely different person than I was then. That Dan was stubborn and selfish... a coward that only fended for himself. I betrayed him but dared to say I cared for him.
Perhaps I got what I deserved... my seemingly perfect life ripped from my fingertips with such ease... taking the one thing that meant the most.

Well, what's ironic is the thing I also love, holds my dearest friend in it's dreary waters. Separating us by more means than just death. I never get to say goodbye.
No body was ever found.
I stand there every night knowing he is somewhere out there... alone, his only comfort the very thing he was once afraid of...

The ocean.

I, on the other hand, had always loved the ocean. The captivating lull of the tide drawing you in with a discrete gravitational-like pull, and beauty crafted by only nature itself. It constantly wanes in and out, taking whatever it wants with it.
I obsessed over the freedom it represented, and sailing made me feel like I could accomplish anything. Perhaps it was just the naïve wonders of childhood, but that feeling was something very fundamental... it shaped me as a person. I was a stubborn child who's ego possessed no doubt. I truly believed I could accomplish anything.
This behavior was due to the lack of depth and perspective in my mind, and perhaps there could have been a less morbid way for life to teach me such a lesson, but nonetheless the trials, errors, and loses in my life have brought me here, this perplexing stage where I can neither feel any self worth or value in my life, yet I can not bring myself to end it.
I used to be so confident in who I was and what I was going to be. Where did that go? Was it all ruined by just one boy... or was the foundation of my persona cracking from the start?
I miss the thick blindfold of innocence. I miss the sense of security it brought. Yes, you were truly clueless of what's going on in the real world but that does not matter because it does not affect you. Knowing myself, I would have clung to this mentality my whole life if it wasn't for him. Forever happy in the simplistic life of Daniel Howell. Well now that Dan is dead, just like Phil and all I have left are the memories we had shared for a short 4 years.
Together I would grow to love and appreciate things I had never before. I admired his ability to see the best in everything and everyone, though I think that was a fatal mistake in the end...

I will always correlate Phil with a specific memory from my childhood. I was about eleven years old and my family and I were visiting the sandbars for the morning. It was just this narrow minuscule island that would appear due to piling sand carried by the current, but it holds so much nostalgia.
What's so special about that? Well, it was a rarity! You see, you only got to enjoy it a few hours before it was gone once again. As the tide changed and the morning became the afternoon, the island re-submerges and you are forced back onto your boats to avoid being completely stranded.
The crystal water looked as if there hadn't been an island full of families on it minutes before. It was an anomaly that always fascinated me as a child. I loved the mystery of it all, how something so beautiful was out of our control because I did not understand that humans aren't the center of the universe.
As I grew, I learned to hate not being in control. I was bossy and stubborn. Of course with those traits came the positive retributions, I was loyal, determined, hardworking, assertive-I was never afraid of what others thought of me. That is, until I met Phil.
He was always my voice of reason.

That stupidly wonderful kid was my sandbar. He appeared out of nowhere, completely surrounded by the untamed ocean that is my life. Then the moment I had come to love this beach, it was too late. The morning had already passed and the island grew smaller and smaller until there was nothing left to stand on. Phil's death was completely out of my control and I had never felt more stranded in my entire life because unlike most sandbars, Phil never would reappear.
Looking back there was no way I could have predicted the outcome of all of this.
It was supposed to be just like any other summer...

You want to hear his story? Fine.

I'd say it's mine, but that is not true. Phil never knew how much he meant to me. He died before I could tell him. He died thinking he meant nothing to everyone and that truth is what hurts the most. The people of this town are vicious.
Never forget that.
No matter what seemingly nice exterior they posses they are all rotten condescending people and will be quick to betray you if it meant their safety in exchange.
If I'm going to tell this story then I must start from the beginning, the first clue that went over everyone's head. A sign the something more sinister than I could have ever imagined began...

The first domino to fall...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi, after forever here this is. I hope you're as excited as I am. Sorry if there's errors. I haven't edited yet
-kayla