Love Me Again

Chapter 39

I whipped around to face him, my face was frozen in shock. Though the shock, I managed to get one sentence out. It came out slow and slurred like I was drugged.

"What did you say?" I stuttered.

I watched Blake as he scooted around until he was in front of me, facing me. I was avoiding looking straight at Blake, but I still noticed when Blake shifted onto his knees leaning forward.

He grabbed my hands and I didn't pull away. If I wasn't as shocked as I was, I would have pulled away. He paused for a second sucking in a breath.

"I said 'What if I don't want to move on?' What if I don't want to go back to my life without you?"

Blake said each word slowly like he was trying to make sure I heard. Like he was trying to make sure I understood every word he said, but I didn't need him to say it slower.

I had heard what he said the first time. I just couldn't process what he was asking me. I didn't even know the answers to his questions.

"I don't know. We can't," I shook my head holding back tears.

"We can't go back to how we were. We can't change what happened."

A tear escaped my eyes. He held my face wiping away the tears.

"I know we can't go back, but I want us to try again. Before everything happened I was happy, we were happy. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I had never wanted anything as much as I want you," He spoke with such raw emotions that I wanted to believe him but I couldn't.

I moved his hand away, "We can't go back. Too much has happened to me for me to go back. There is no way I could go back to how we were."

He had a look of disbelief on his face, "I know you are different. I have seen how much you changed. You are stronger, you have grown into an even more beautiful woman then you were before."

He paused looking away with pain in his eyes and his heart.

"I'm not asking you to forget about the past or to push it to the side. I'm asking for a chance to make everything right again. I'm asking for a second chance to make it up to you. To try to make up everything I did wrong to you."

I forced Blake to look at me, wanting to see his face as he talked. I knew the only way I would believe him was to see his face and his eyes. Even when he wouldn't show me his true thoughts and emotions, his eyes would always tell me the truth.

I expected to see his true emotions, but what I saw surprised me even more than any emotions I could ever see. Instead of those beautiful clear blue eyes I loved, I saw his blue eyes blur with tears.

I had never seen him cry before. It broke me to see the strong man I loved turn into this emotional man before me. He used to tell me that emotions made you weak in the business world. I broke even more as I realized he was allowing me to see this vulnerable side of him.

"I still love you. No matter how much I tried to hate you before, I could never actually hate you. I tried to get you out of my mind, but I couldn't."

He got up facing the cliff.

He turned his head slightly turns me, "When I thought you cheated on me and stole from me, you broke me. I spent days wondering what I did wrong. I was so broken and hurt that I wanted you to hurt too. But as I hurt you, I hurt myself. Every time I saw you cry, I felt another piece of my heartbreak too."

He whispered it like it was a secret he was finally telling the world.

"No matter what I did or you did, I still loved you."

He turned around getting on his knees.

"I looked for you. I missed you so much. I just wanted to know how you were. So last year, I had my private investigator look for you, but he couldn't find you. I went crazy. I didn't know where you were or how you were. I needed to know you were okay. That was why I went back to court."

Blake stopped talking trying to see what my reaction would be. I was shocked, he looked for me. That was why he made me go back to court. I thought it was to renew the restraining order.

I silently cried. The man I loved still loved me. Even though he did a lot of things wrong to me, he tried to find me and he wanted to make everything right.

I had slowly forgiven him as he started to explain why he did everything. It all made sense to me, and I wanted to give him another chance. But I couldn't, I didn't deserve to be with him anymore.

Blake said he still loved me, but he didn't even know what happened to me after the divorce. I know that once he found out all the things that happened that he wouldn't want me. No one stood by my side after they found out the truth, only France and James did.

I started telling him everything knowing he wouldn't stay once he knew the new me.