When they tell you that you're their one and only, it's supposed to feel real. That's not what happened in my last relationship... I was basically used and hated myself. I felt like there was something wrong with me. Turns out that was never the case.
The past year was dark and full of a black hole of depression. I was not my true self and it was his fault. He said that he wanted me to love myself but the things he said weren't helping me at all. They only made things worse.
He's the reason I have trust issues.
The reason I have self esteem issues...
He let me go and I hope he never comes back.
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So he did anyways.. I was dressed for my club because we were celebrating for it and he had complimented me, I was quite disgusted because I did not ask of his opinion and it was right after Valentine's Day, perfect...
I did my best to smile and look like I'd never been hurt and tried to just move on with my life. I have another dilemma though, my heart is lost. I want to know how to feel loved. Turns out I may have the chance...
It wasn't long after I had started talking to a few friends of mine that I had liked that I had found another person to talk to. At first it was like any other friendship started out, kinda vague and a little bit of small talk but then I decided to really try to get to know him. Glad I decided to because it was one of the best decisions I'd ever made. We talked on the phone, video chatted,you name it. It's only been a few days and I don't know if it's my heart speaking but I feel like this one is different.
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So, a few months have passed by and lets just say that guy didn't work out, nor did the following two. Not that it matters, they were too young to understand what love truly is and frankly I wouldn't change how things ended between us. I have moved on and found someone much better than any of my exes could have ever been. Unlike the rest, he actually respects me but I've had to get used to being treated right. The things in my past are the reason why I have trust issues. When you've been mentally and verbally abused by those you thought loved you, you start thinking there's something wrong with you when really that's not the case. You realize you'd been done wrong when that one person always has you feeling on top of the world. Never in my life until now had I had such a gentleman step into my life. He made me realize how dumb the rest were, immature and manipulative. He's the exact opposite of that. What more could I ask for?
