a boy who's broken. a boy who's in denial. a journey to find him again.
~a super angsty and sad 1980s au, enjoy~
((TW: SELF-HARM, SUICIDE/DEATH, VIOLENCE, ANGST, FOOD, DEPRESSION, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE,.))
(I couldn't find the artist for the cover sorr...
I found myself at the club from days before. Sitting at the bar with the blond stranger. Brightly flashing lights surrounded me. Taking a sip from my drink, I found myself being thrown face forward onto the bathroom floor. I heard a zipper unzip and a sinister laugh as my limp body being thrusted repeatedly against the wall. My sister's scream echoed in my head.
"Why didn't you save me, Castiel?"
I immediately awoke and sat up on the couch. I couldn't tell what was sweat and what was tears. My heart was beating faster than light, and I was choking on my constant heavy breathing. It took so long to get my breathing back to normal.
Fuck, not again.
I had been having nightmares since we got here and have barely slept a wink. I couldn't even close my eyes without reliving that night or see Anna falling from the bridge. I kicked off my blanket and just stared at my ceiling.
It's been about three days since I roomed in with my brothers. I found a preschool for Alfie, which gave me time to find a job, which I'd been struggling to find. I'm pretty sure every place I've applied for thinks I'm homeless, since I smell like a sewer. Lucy will only let us have two showers a week to save for the water bill, which I understood, but goddamn do I smell awful.
I've probably slept a total of five hours since I left. I'm being plagued by that night at the bar. I couldn't even close my eyes without seeing the man who tortured me smirking at me and throwing me onto the bathroom floor and doing whatever he wanted to my body like I was a doll. The nightmares were so bad, I was so afraid to sleep that the dark circles around my eyes were practically the color of my hair.
I had thought a few times to call up Charlie, just to let her know I'm safe, but I feel it's best for everyone to think I disappeared off the face of the Earth. I just want to be forgotten by everyone in that godforsaken city. Just a few more candlelight vigils and no one would remember the name "Novak".
I've got another two hours until I have to pick up Alfie, and been just walking aimlessly around the neighborhood. Most people are smart and wouldn't walk around an unknown area of LA alone, but it was the middle of the day, so what could it hurt?
After taking a few wrong turns, I came across a small casino I wouldn't have looked twice at if it weren't for the man standing outside of it.
The lanky character stood under an unlit neon sign, smoking a cigarette and wearing a short, green dress and Marilyn Monroe-style wig.
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"Hey baby, feeling lonely?" said the young man, blowing smoke from his mouth as I walked past him, the smoke just barely brushing my ear.
I stopped in my tracks.
"Don't usually see many daytime prostitutes," I say to him.
"You haven't been in La La Land for very long, huh?" He responds, raising an eyebrow.
"Ha, how could you tell?" I ask.
"Pale skin. Loafers. I'd say tourist, but you're not waving around a map of the stars' houses and a Hawaiian shirt. But no one just takes a stroll around Hollywood, at least no one who knows the area like a local. If I were to throw a tack, I'd guesstimate Midwest. So you're either a broke musician or an aspiring actor looking for fame," he paused. "Or...you're running from something."
He took a long, squinted look at my face. I then noticed he was wearing some heavy makeup. "Yep, a definite runaway."
I'm not even gonna ask how he knew that. I held out my hand for him to shake.
"I'm Castiel. Novak," I introduce myself.
He dropped his cigarette, crushing it into the sidewalk with his red stiletto.
"Balthazar. Or Hazel Nutz, on Friday nights," He giggled.
"No last name?"
"Yeah, like Cher," said Balthazar, or Hazel Nutz, on Friday nights apparently. "So...Castiel, you want directions or a blow?"
"Uh–"
"No, no, I got it. You need a friend. A local, preferably, who knows the city like the back of their hand. A guy who can get you connections," Balthazar says, stealing the words from my mouth. I'd learn sooner than later that I wouldn't need to say anything because he was always one step ahead of me. "I'll be that friend."
He began pulling a Marlboro out of his bra and a sharpie from behind his ear. He then scribbled his number onto the cigarette and handed it to me.
"Call me if you're at a last resort for a job," Balthazar told me, starting to make his way back inside the casino.
"Hey, how'd you know I'm looking for a job!?" I called after him.
"Novak, I know everything!" He called back.
Okay, so I may not have found a job today, but at least I made my first friend here. A friend who's a drag queen. A drag queen prostitute. A drag queen prostitute who's stage name is Hazel Nutz.
I honestly couldn't think of anyone else besides myself who this would happen to.
A/N:
aha, my first chapter in a while is of course super short. sorry for not updating. probably be more active after school ends (4 more weeks wooooo)
