It was the last day of VidCon, I wasn't in the right state of mind to be doing this after what happened last night. I wanted to try so hard to forget what happened but when ever I think of Simon all that I can link to his name is hatred and him tell in Renae and how she's pregnant with his baby and the fact that I am still so deeply and utterly in love with him and no matter how hard I try to stop my self from being in love with him it just doesn't work I can't get him out of my head and they are all for the wrong reasons he is my personal drug, he's my bad boy and I love him. Everyone sees the innocence in him but I see the real him and last night so did everyone else but that didn't or doesn't stop me from loving him if anything it makes me want and love him even more and I just can't stop. I want him back in my life I want to be able to be happy and call him mine and hold his hand and hug him have quiet nights in watching films and doing cliche things like kissing in the rain, I want all that and I want it with Simon no one else just him but I also want to hate him so badly but I just can't it's so hard for me to hate him when I'm head over heels in love with him.
I didn't sleep at all that night, Zoe stayed the night with me because she felt so bad I had to wake up Zoe because we all had to get ready to leave for the last day of VidCon, "Zoe come on you need to get up." I nudged her a few times and eventually she woke up "Did you even sleep?" She asked me "Is it that obvious?" I asked "That and I could hear you pacing round the room while crying your eyes out. Oh Charlie I'm so sorry." She hugged me tight which made me feel a little better "Thanks, but don't worry about it I thought I could trust him and start again you know? But evidently not." "Don't worry about it you'll be fine, you have me, Alfie, Joe, Dan and Phil and by what I've seen you and Dan have been getting pretty close recently." "Dans just a friend that's it." I said "Whatever, I've got to go get changed and so have you so I'll come back over in twenty minutes and we can get the car to the venue." Zoe smiled it me and I nodded in response she then left, again smiling at me as she left closing the door behind her. I had a quick shower and washed my hair, I couldn't use a hair dryer as Dan and I made a pact about no heat products so I dried my hair hair with a towel as much as I could and woke let the sun do the rest, I then went into my bag and got out some clothes and some makeup.
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My hair was slowly drying I stood out on my balcony so my hair could dry quicker, my hair wasn't naturally straight it was wavy and a slight bit curly. I got a text from Dan asking if I wanted him to walk with me down to the car I replied with a simple no as Zoe said she was already going to do that. It was nice that they all cared after what happened last night but it was getting quite suffocating and I didn't like it but I didn't want to seem rude to my friends so I just let them carry on. I then had a knock on my door and instantly I thought it was Zoe to come and get me but it wasn't it was Simon. "Just listen to me please, all I'm asking for is five minutes that's it just let me explain." He begged "You haven't slept have you?" I asked him "No I couldn't sleep after what happened last night." I sighed am let him into my room "Five minutes then I want you gone." I said bluntly "Okay." "Well I'm waiting Simon." I snapped at him.
"I know how Renae knows, I was talking to Joe and I wanted to know if he already knew about what happened to you he replied with a yes and then I went to sleep, I think that Renae looked at my messages with Joe and that's how she found out, I promise you Charlie I never told her I would never do that to you." He sniffled "I believe you." I said quietly "You do?" He was shocked "Yeah, but that doesn't change things between us she is still pregnant with your child Simon maybe I do still love you but I'm not going to wreck you having a family because that would make me look selfish." I sighed "I don't want her though I want you!" "But you know that can't happen, your girlfriend is pregnant and you need to step up and be the best dad you can be to that child." I said with tears in my eyes "I'm not ready." "No one is ready but that's what makes it exciting, look Zoe and Alfie will be here soon and they hate you enough as it it, all my friends hate you and I just don't want this getting any worse so please just go Simon." I sighed, Simon walked over to me and took hold of my hands he looked down and kissed me passionately and of course I felt something to him just not enough to fight for him. When I pulled away Simon walked away and there stood Zoe and Alfie staring at me in shock. "What the hell just happened?!" Zoe asked "Just drop it Zo I'm not going to do this with you." I grabbed my bag and phone and walked out of my room with Zoe and Alfie and we went down into the lobby to meet with the others.
I walked past everyone not saying a word to any of them, as I walked past Dan, Phil and Joe I heard Dan say "She's not speaking again, something is wrong with her." That's when I snapped "If you have something to say Dan why don't you just come and say it to my face?!" I shouted at him "I don't have anything to say." "Really? Are you sure? You seemed to have something to say while you were talking to Phil and Joe just now so something must be so interesting about me that you have to talk about me behind my back!" "Charlie calm down." Phil said "No I'm fed up with all this, I'm fed up of falling for someone and then betraying me then I get asked like a million questions by someone who's meant to be my best friend *point to Zoe* but is treating me like I'm a fucking criminal. I'm sick of it!" I shouted at them all, everyone was standing in shock when I started shouting.
All our heads diverted to the door when Simon and Renae came walking through it all loved up, hugging and kissing each other it made me feel sick. "You're kidding me right?" I shout "Oh what now?" Renae snapped "Keep out of this." "Don't talk to her like that." Simon snapped at me "What so it's okay for you to slag her off saying that you don't love her but as soon as I do it, it's wrong is it? You've only started to care since you found out that she's pregnant with your baby and has been for the past six months." "Is that true Simon? Is she actually pregnant?" Harry asked "Yeah it is." "Simon and I are happy why can't you accept that?" Renae shouted "Because he's not happy, he came to my room this morning and told me that you had been looking through his phone last night that's how you found out about me, Simon told me that he's not ready to be a dad." "No one is it's a journey for any new parent. Stop being so jealous!" She shouted at me, Dan walked over and grabbed my hand "Come on lets just go." He said softly but I snatched my hand away and stormed out of the hotel "Charlie!" Dan shouted in the distance. I hated being in America everyone here was putting on an act especially Renae there was something that she was keeping from Simon and I was going to find out what it was and I don't care who gets hurt in the process from now on I'm only looking out for myself and that is it no one else. No one needed me I wasn't needed by anyone and that was the truth of the matter.
