The Home We Build

Toughen Up

Chapter 2

"Excuse me, where do you keep baby formula?" I asked one of the grocery store workers.

"We keep it in lock up near the cash registers. Just ask the cashier and she'll get it for you."

"Thank you." I said with a smile.

I made my way to the checkout line. There were hardly any lines because it was the middle of the day.

I pulled my WIC vouchers from my purse and started to look through them and mentally match them with what was in my basket.

"Aye she got WIC bruh." I heard some guy say behind me.

"Oh hell naw. We gotta find another line. Shit take too damn long." 

I felt my face heat up with embarrassment as I heard them begin to laugh.

"All black girls wanna do is get WIC, EBT and be CNA's." I could hear them joke as they made their  way to another line.

I looked down at my daughter as she sat in the basket and willed myself not to cry. I just watched Caleigh as she looked around aimlessly. She had no clue. 

"How are you today?" The cashier asked me.

I just nodded my head with a smile. 

"You have such a beautiful baby." She cooed as Caleigh poked her head up. She was such a nosey baby.

"Thanks." I mustered up to say as I continued to bite back my tears.  "Um can I get some baby formula?"

"Sure, which one?"

"I don't know the name but it's $49.99."

"Ok give me one second." She smiled.

"This stuff is so expensive." The cashier said when she returned.

I didn't reply.

I silently handed her the WIC vouchers and waited nervously for her to process my transaction.

I couldn't walk fast enough out of that grocery once I was finished.

I bit the bullet and sent for an Uber. There was no way I could deal with the people on the bus right now.

By the time Caleigh and I reached our apartment, she was fast asleep. The Uber driver was kind enough to help me carry my groceries upstairs.

I situated Caleigh in her crib, put away the groceries and made my way to my room.

I walked in to see CJ laying diagonally across the bed. I took off my shoes and climbed into the bed with him. I laid my head on his back and silently cried.

At least I thought I was being silent.

"What's wrong baby?"  He turned on his back and pulled me onto his chest.

"Nothing." I whispered, quickly wiping my eyes.

"Quit lying N'shae."

"I don't want to talk about it right now."

He took in a deep breath and exhaled loudly.

"Talk."

"No."

"N'shae can you please stop holding everything in. Help me help you baby. I hate seeing you like this. I can't take the pain away but I want to help in anyway I can."

"It was just some guys saying mean stuff at the grocery store." I sniffled.

"You remember what them niggas look like?" He asked, I could feel his body tense.

"Babe, you said you was leaving that lifestyle behind."

"Fuck that, I can't just allow people to hurt my girls feelings."

"It's gonna happen CJ. It's kind of inevitable."

"Why are you sad then? If you know they gon talk why are you hurting yourself?"

"Because I'm sensitive. I have to toughen up."

"I'm gon help you."

"How?"

"Imma make you remember. How could you deal with my crazy aggressive ass but not the comments of some random niggas?"

"Because you're my baby. I'm turned on by your crazy ass."

"You've changed bruh."

"What you mean?" I giggled.

"You used to act just like a nigga. Now you all soft and shit."

"Shut up." I whined. "It's the baby."

"Don't blame that on my daughter." He laughed.

"Our daughter."

"Our baby." He sighed. "I can't believe we got a baby and she's almost one."

"Me neither."