Don't See It

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I’ve been thinking of him-er-her (it?) for the past week. I haven’t been able to sleep. I’ve barely eaten anything. I quit my job. Or stopped going to work is more like it. I assume I’m no longer employed there. My eyes are sunken in. I sit at my computer day and night mindlessly trying to keep myself entertained…or awake, more importantly. For if I sleep I’m afraid I may never wake up. I’m afraid he-she- or it will get me. I don’t know what I mean by “get”. I don’t believe it was out to get anything or anyone anyway. Either way, it hasn’t left my mind since that night. And I’m afraid it never will. Afraid. I haven’t been so afraid in ages. Not since I was a child.

Coffee, energy drinks, and leftover Halloween candy have all worn out their welcome. I’m simply typing to stay awake now. I don’t know what else to do. Every time I shut my eyes I see it.  It’s not threatening. It’s not even angry. But its mere presence in general sends shivers down my spine. I have thoughts running rampant in my head. I figured the only way to have some sort of peace is to type them out here. Afterall, it seems I have no other choice. It’s nearly 4 o’clock in the morning. My apartment is quiet. Nothing can be heard but the gentle hum of the refrigerator. It’s somewhat soothing.

So I shall explain this experience of mine. Just to get it out there. Out of my head. Perhaps whoever shall read it will understand what exactly happened. Or at least take solace in what I seen. Because I, for one, am still not exactly sure if the whole thing was real or imaginary.  Perhaps I can get some sleep after all this is said and done.

I’ve lived in this neighborhood since I was a child. I know it well. After graduating college last year I moved back into the neighborhood into a small apartment with my mother. She’s offering me a place to stay while I buckle down and land a career job that pays decently. Since then I’ve been looking for a proper place of employment to earn some money in the meantime of looking for a career position. After working a few salesman jobs, my car starting to break down on me because of the long commutes. And I realized I needed a job that was close, seeing as my car was now unreliable. In less than a week I landed a job at a department store connected to the local shopping mall just minutes away from me. Retail wasn’t a particular interest of mine because I’m such an introvert, but I needed some sort of income. Even if this position just earned me minimum wage. In the meantime I junked my car and used the profit to buy a bicycle and put the remainder of the money in my savings.

It didn’t take long for me to begin loathing this job. I was out of place. I was working in a department store that was catered towards ladies. My coworkers and managers were a bunch of middle aged suburban women with chips on their shoulders. Nobody spoke to me or even knew my name for the 3 months and 12 days I worked there. I was fed up with the situation, but I tried to look at the bright side of things: it was the most local job I’ve ever had. Not having to pay for car insurance and gas saved me a lot of money. And the hours were decent and the shifts were short.

This particular night in question, the night that keeps repeating in my head, happened a little over a week ago. It was a Friday. I was closing that night, and I knew we were going to get out late. The customers trashed the store and for some reason we stayed open until 11 pm even though the mall closed at 9 and our business hours on our doors clearly say 10. I counted down my register at closing time and began to help the other coworkers organize and clean the according departments. I remember it being an eerily quiet night. When the store closes, most of the lights go off but the music continues to play while we restock and clean. This night no music played. The store was dark and silent. It wasn’t necessarily eerie, but set the tone for the rest of the evening.  I started off in the small men’s section seeing as that was the only place I was comfortable (I was often forced to fold women’s panties. Quite awkward) and began to fold the graphic t-shirts since it looked like a tornado hit the area. After fixing up the entire department, I took at quick glance at my watch and seen it was nearly midnight. Usually we finish up by then and a manager comes over the PA system to tell us to clock out.  I straightened up the nearby appliances department when, like clockwork, the manager announced to finish up and clock out.

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