Taylor stares blankly at the wall in front of her, chewing the inside of her mouth so hard it's bound to be sore for days, but she doesn't even realise it - just one of her new habits. She has made a bit more of an effort today since she was expecting company that isn't her family or Karlie- Effort which entails jeans instead of sweat pants and actually brushing her hair. Her cat, Olivia purrs at her feet which Taylor completely ignores, turning to go back to her bed, thinking the entire idea of speaking to someone about how she's feeling is stupid and unnecessary. Then her phone buzzes; she anxiously checks it realising it's security letting her know she has a visitor and within seconds there is a loud confident knock at the door of the apartment. She freezes on the spot, heart racing already feeling completely unprepared. Please don't have another panic attack, please. She walks towards the door nervously, gulping as she opens it, her fake 'paparazzi' smile already plastered on her face.
''Hello, you must be Taylor'' a woman that looks to be in her mid forties but is probably older greets the singer with a very professional, confident smile, hand outstretched. Taylor doesn't respond, and instead awkwardly accepts the handshake as if she has forgotten that she can still talk.
''I'm Addison Walker. May I come in?'' The doctor asks politely. Taylor can feel the woman analyzing her and it's making her even more nervous than she was previously.
''I..uh..of course'' she replies shyly. What is wrong with me. She thinks to herself, not being known to be anything but overly polite and gracious towards people.
''Great, thank you''
Taylor steps back as the doctor walks into her apartment (she's glad that it's tidy thanks to Karlie) and automatically begins picking at her nails as she guides them both towards her living room, slowly and cautiously, feeling the woman's eyes on the back of her head. I wonder what she's thinking.
''Can I..can I get you anything?'' She asks. suddenly remembering her manners as she shows the professional where to sit.
''No thank you Taylor, I am fine for just now'' she responds as she opens up her bag and pulls out a notepad and pen. Taylor doesn't feel comfortable at all and she shifts on her seat. I need Karlie. When will she be home? She wonders staring at the clock.
The doctor watches her intently, knowing that Taylor probably isn't aware of how many nervous ticks she has and how obvious her anxiety is.
''So...Taylor. Where would you like to begin? I understand that you wanted some advice on how to deal with some anxiety issues you've been having'' Addison says slowly, watching the singers reaction as she quickly scribbles down a few notes. This makes Taylor uncomfortable, reminding her of a journalist or reporter, asking her personal questions in an interview, trying to decipher her life. She doesn't respond.
''Why don't you start with telling me about your family -just the basics so I can get to know you. Mom, Dad, siblings?'' The doctor continues, aware of Taylor's nerves.
''I, yeah. Mom, Dad and my brother, Austin''
''That's great, do you see them often, are you all close?''
''I talk to my parents most days, we are a really close family. My brother and I have a pretty good relationship. He's protective, we have a similar sense of humour. I travel to Nashville often so I see them quite a lot..and we go on trips together and stuff''
''Good, that's nice. So they live in Nashville. Do you miss being away from them even if you still talk and see them often?''
''I guess...I'm sort of used to it with work and stuff. I miss not having them in the same city as me, knowing that they are close by even if I don't see them'' Taylor is starting to warm up, despite all her issues, once she starts and gets comfortable enough talking, she can't really stop.
''I imagine that's difficult at times. Does having them around make you feel more at ease?''
Taylor knows what she is getting at. ''Yeah I mean, I can trust them entirely. So that's a nice feeling I guess, knowing I can talk to them about anything and that they're supportive and honest with me''
''Do you feel like you struggle to trust people?'' Addison questions, boldly, not looking up from her notepad as she continues writing.
''Well I...I try to but it's not easy...with my life being the way it is and the danger of people potentially using me for attention and sorts'' Taylor says quietly, squirming a bit again.
''Hm. You mentioned Work earlier, what exactly is it you do?'' The doctor asks genuinely. Taylor just stares at her, confused. Is she being serious. Dr Walker laughs lightly.
''I want this to be a clean slate Taylor, an open interpretation. Let's pretend that I'm not aware of what your line of work is, so I can hear it from your angle. I don't want you to think that I will judge you at any point or have already formed my own opinion of you''
This makes Taylor feel better, despite knowing that it's a lie. She likes the idea of someone not have a pre-formed perception of her. Especially since she knows what it will probably be.
''I'm a songwriter'', she says smiling for the first time. ''I sing and perform too, and deal with the business of it all. I like all those aspects of my career''
Addison takes note of how proud Taylor sounds when speaking of her job.
''And the aspects you don't like?''
Taylor sighs and purses her lips. She makes it very obvious she doesn't want to talk about her feelings towards them. It's draining for her, the complexity of it all. Luckily Addison is aware of the possibility why and decides that's probably a topic of conversation for another day. Except she then goes on to ask something much more personal, a question that Taylor fears the most, that nobody but family and close friends get to know the answer to. Especially given her situation- well the truth anyway.
''Okay, we can talk about that another time. How about a relationship? Are you seeing anyone at the moment, a boyfriend, something less serious?''
