I Meant It

Untitled Part 1

     I had waited until I knew John would be at work and Mrs. Hudson had gone out before I went to see Sherlock. I needed answers and I had put off talking to him about what happened long enough. When he had called me I had thought it was that he wanted let into the morgue or might have needed some help with as case, as is most often the case, but instead he wanted me to say that I loved him. I wasn't even aware that he had known. I hadn't exactly been quiet that I liked hi, but figured he had always been too oblivious to put two and two together. So when he called and asked that , it hurt, and I couldn't just put myself through that without first hearing him say it. As far as I knew he had never really told anyone that he loved them, so my expectations as to his sincerity was really low.

     But when he finally said it, he put so much emotion behind it, he almost had me convinced that he had meant it. And I loved and hated him for it. Loved him because he had spared me a bit because it was easier for me to hear the emotion instead of the cold, detached tone I had been expecting. But he hadn't spared me by making me confess something I wasn't prepared to and would rather have left it buried. It was like he was pulling a prank on me. A cruel, horrible prank.

     And yet here I was standing outside of Baker Street, because as much as I thought it was a prank, I had a feeling that it wasn't. If it wasn't, I needed some answers as to why he did it. I didn't even bother to knock on the door, opting instead to just walk in. If Sherlock was home alone and was absorbed in something the chances of him answering the door were slim.

     As I ascended the stairs I tried to calm my nerves for what I was about to do. Even though I hated him for what he did to me, part of me still loved and cared about him, and that part was slowly winning over the part that wanted to be mad at him. I rounded the last flight of stairs and approached the door. I was poised to open the door when, much to my surprise, the door was flung open by Sherlock and he greeted me.

     "Hello Molly. Had a feeling you would be stopping by today."

     He was wearing black suit trousers, a white dress shirt, and black oxfords as always. He turned around to walk into the flat and allow me to come in as well, and as he did the light blue bathrobe he was wearing loosely about his shoulder swirled about him. He took a seat in his armchair and motioned for me to take a seat in John's. Already starting to feel awkward I took a seat, but couldn't bring myself to make eye contact or say anything even for a second. I knew Sherlock had started deducing me the second he opened the door, and I waited for him to make the first move.

     "I know you're here for answers Molly, and you have a right to them. I know I hurt you, and I didn't mean to but I didn't have a choice-"

     I cut him off. "What do you mean "you didn't have a choice"? You could have just hung up the phone when you heard how hard it was for me to say those words, but instead you persisted! You had to hear me say it. You could have just let the entire thing go instead of hurting me Sherlock!" I finished furious. I couldn't believe he had tried to say that when he damn well had a choice. Angry, hurt tears had started to form in my eyes and a blush had started to creep up my neck into my cheeks.

     Sherlock was quick with his response, "If I didn't get you to say I love you, a sniper would have shot you. This was the better option. I could live with this outcome. But I couldn't stand the thought of losing you completely Molly. You mean too much to me, and to a lot of other people too."

     I was shocked, and I wondered if he hadn't been playing a trick on me after all. There was sincerity in his words and emotions flashing behind his eyes that made me want to believe him. And I could understand why he wouldn't want to lose me as a friend, he relied on me too much even when he wasn't on a case. In the same respect I couldn't bear to lose him either, and not just because I loved him, he was a good friend and made the routine of my life interesting.

     "Why would anyone want to kill me though Sherlock? I've never done anything to make anyone want to kill me."

     He sighed. "Molly, you know me, and that is reason enough for quite a large number of people to want to kill you. This, however, was the work of my sister Eurus. You know my family is different from most, and Eurus is no exception. She is highly dangerous and has been since we were children. I wasn't aware that she existed until she escaped from the high security facilities she had been held and started taking out her revenge on Mycroft and I for not being there for her when we were growing up. She them proceeded to lead Mycroft, John and I through a series of tests and puzzles so we could come to that conclusion and save her from herself. For each test it seemed there was no way out and that no matter what the people who's lives she was gambling with would die. Then when you were her next victim, we had to save you. I had to save you. And after the call we thought we had beat Eurus for once, but we hadn't because of what that phone call did to you." he stopped for a moment to gather himself. By this point there were hot tears rolling down my face and I had retreated completely into the safety and comfort of John's arm chair with my knees pulled up to my chest.

     Sherlock had moved forward to the edge of his chair with his elbows resting on his knees. There was pain in his eyes as he continued, "I am so sorry for all the pain this has caused you Molly. Believe me when I say if there had been another way, I would have taken it. But also believe me when I say that it hurts me to do that to you but did mean what I said.... Molly Hooper, I love you."

     Sherlock had moved towards me even more while he was talking, to the point that he was kneeling on the ground with one of his hands gently resting on my knee. I took a moment to wipe my eyes before answering, "So it wasn't a prank? You actually love me?"

     The silence was deafening. Sherlock's eyes turned soft and his eyebrows knitted together before he answered. "Yes, Molly Hooper, I believe I do. I think I have for a long time it's just taken time for me to realise it," he said gently, his voice almost a whisper.

     The blush returned to my cheeks and a small smile tugged at the corner of my mouth and I laid one of my hands on top of his hand that was resting on my knee. I couldn't be mad at him, no knowing what actually happened, and part of me was glad events had transpired the way they had. If they hadn't, we may never have let our feelings for each other be known. "Well Sherlock, I think you already know this, but I love you too."

     A smile graced his features as soon as I said the words. His hand squeezed mine and he brought it up to his lips and kissed it. "I was hoping you'd say that."