Dear Diary / h.s

Entry 6

I wrote this as fast as possible.. mistakes happen people... I'm trying to find an editor!

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Dear Diary,

I think today was one of the worst days of my life. Two horrible things happened and they weren't very good.

The first bad thing that happened was that Katrina actually contacted me. She actually had the nerve to message me on Facebook asking if "we could talk." Whatever that meant.

I didn't even hesitate on blocking her and un friending her. Why would I want to meet up with her while she ruined my life? I told Harry right away and he actually somehow found her number and told her to leave me alone.

To add on to this perfect day, I had a doctors appointment to check up on my cancer and body.

I had lost about 10 pounds and was expected to lose a little more. Also the cancer was spreading fast and it was getting progressively worse.

He said I now had a little less than a month because it was spreading faster than he thought.

To cheer me up Harry took me to a football game, and we lost and the whole ride home he was complaining about how they could have done so much better.

I zoned out halfway through because that stuff bores the hell out of me.

After that, we didn't go straight home. We actually went for lunch/dinner, whatever you want to call it.

It was really nice, and we both had a great time. I tried to eat a lot, but I couldn't otherwise I could get really sick and we both don't want that happening. So I just ate a hamburger and thats all.

Ever since I have been diagnosed, I never really have been happy. I actually have been pretty depressed but no one notices it except Harry and Zoe.

Well they basically care for me than anyone else so it makes sense. I'm really surprised Louis didn't notice because he notices everything... literally.

I just don't know. I thought that having this diary would help me 'vent out my feelings' but it didn't help at all. Because well to be perfectly honest, I don't even vent out my feelings here.

I vent them out to Harry.

Well kind of the other boys to, but mostly Harry and Louis.

I also had to admit that Louis was a great listener. He always gave me advice and guided me to the "good" ways would I call it? I almost always told him about some problems going on with Harry, and he was so supportive.

Even though Harry was his best mate, he sometimes talked bad about him too. It was funny how he talks about how he gets really annoying on how talking about me all the time, and I just laughed because he said he always talked about me.

I mean, how could you not feel flattered?

I never really talk to Zayn about how I feel, because I can't help but feel awkward around him since the kiss. Well we never really got along before that.

I couldn't quite wrap my head around on how Zayn would like me. We barely even talked most of the time. Then again, I guess maybe he was too shy to make a conversation with me.

I have a feeling that he still has a crush on me, but is hiding it for Harry's sake. Because I know that Harry would beat the crap out of him any day.

I just don't really get anything that Zayn told me. He said that 'he would treat me better then Harry ever did', But that wasn't possible because Harry treated me like a princess.

Apparently he "loved me" or something, I don't even know if I heard that correctly because Harry's his best friend and he's not going to hurt him like that, right?

Well Zayn's... Zayn. You really never know what he's going to do because he's really mysterious. Even if you are dating one of his best mates.

I just don't know how I really feel about him. I mean, he's cute and all; don't get me wrong, but I can't abuse Harry's love like that. I love him and he loves me... probably even more.

Nah... not possible.

I found a really good quote that goes really good with my situation right now, it explains what I'm going through and how the pain is.

When someone has cancer, the whole family and everyone who loves them does, too. ~Terri Clark

It's literally perfect for my situation because when everyone found out; it crushed them deep in there heart to.

If you look really closely at this situation, it's not that bad in a kind of way. Yes it's terrible and I don't want to leave this world; but this could make the people around you stronger.

When you die, they need to stay strong and this is the moment where they can. And if they can't, they have other people around them to keep them strong.

Well in this case they do. But in some cases they could have no family and no friends. What? It happens.

Someone just died now, and now, now, now, and now. People die almost every second and someones born every second.

I remember this teddy bear that I got before my life went crazy. I was about five, and my mom bought it for me and I was in love with it. I bought it with me everywhere we went.

It was funny, because I only had it for about a couple months, and the arm and leg were half off.  Someone finally got me to put it in the garbage, even though I cried for a week.

The point it; don't take away a five year olds teddy bear.

I remember the first night I didn't have it; I took it out of the garbage and actually slept with it. Now  that I realize, that was disgusting.

I'm pretty sure that's how the gum got in my hair...

I was really attached to that teddy bear and now I'm completely obsessed with nothing but Harry.

That's not creepy at all, right? Well if it counts, he's kind of obsessed with me to. We are obsessed with each other! (Perfect couple right here, huh.)

Yes, yes we are.

Love,

Emily Amelia Roberts

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Guys I have bad news! I am in a play at my school, and I have rehearsals almost EVERYDAY for 3 MONTHS.

I know! It sucks :( So I came up with a solution!!!

I am going to use my study hall to write chapters because I love you guys. Of course, that means more homework; but I can manage.

I'm going to be under a lot of pressure because I have a really good part. Wish me luck!

~Grace(: