Breakdown - Tom Petty

Time to Move On

Tom's waking thought was one he had had before, but he thought again as he had yesterday. I don't need Ayla. It had become a repetitive wheel spinning around and round in his mind, a way of coping he supposed. By convincing himself he did not need Ayla in his life, he could believe the thought with ease. He had done just fine the day before, the first day in a while he had spent without Ayla. But none of these things would ease the loneliness he had felt the night before.

It had come to him in a sudden wave he had not seen before it hit him. His eyes had stung, and he was weeping. It was strange how he wanted to desperately stop at the thought Ayla would come rushing in, asking if he was alright, concern present in her eyes. But she never came. She was still out in the great big world, alone just as she had left him. Tom wondered if she, too, was lonely.

He sat up in bed, and any thought of Ayla he had had before vanished from his ever-wondering mind. He looked in the mirror across from him. The dark circles beneath his eyes had faded a bit sometime in the night, probably between vain fantasies in which Ayla had returned. This time, he left the stubble and got dressed for the day.

Tom was just crossing the living room to make breakfast when he had an idea. Smiling, he prepared some toast and a few slices of bacon. He placed the food on a plate, grabbed a cup of orange juice, and went outside, shoving the door open with his shoulder.

It was nice outside, the perfect temperature for such a day.  He sat on the porch steps, after having carefully laid the plate beside him. He smiled, but it was bittersweet and had nothing to do with breakfast.

To Tom, it would have been easy to scorn at the bright, cheery weather when he was being faced with isolation. Instead of looking up at the sky with dislike and feeling like everyone else in the world was having a party, he looked into the sky with a bemused expression on his face. It was nothing more than a puzzlement as to why the sun shone so bright when he was alone. It was beautiful still, Tom realized. The sunshine had always cheered him up in the dark times. But he wasn't as happy as he had been on days like this. It took him not a long time to realize the good days became better when he had someone to share them with.

I don't have to share them with Ayla, not anymore. I can always share them with someone else...like myself. Except Tom knew, it would be a boring, tedious conversation if he kept to himself. If he kept anything to himself, it was bound to be boring.

Tom went back indoors, replaced his plate into the dishwasher, and brushed his teeth. Then, he was outside again. He was free for the first time in a while, and Ayla was out of his thoughts for the time being.

Tom unlocked his truck's door and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He thought of the cab that dad taken his love away. He shook his head. His smile formed into a bittersweet smile. Ayla was not his love, just a close friend of the past.

But she wasn't really in the past. Not yet. It had only been a full day and then some since the cab had came and Ayla had left. It was more past than present, but it was close to present all the same. Ayla had left only two days ago, and he was already trying to move on, trying to delay the tears he had shed the first evening. He could run for as long as he wanted, but sometime, he would have to stop to catch his breath and backtrack to where he had begun. He did not want to, but he could not do such a thing. What Thomas wanted wasn't always what he got.

He put the key in ignition. The old, battered truck roared to life, and Tom drove into town. One of his own lyrics passed into his head; a few lines from, 'Into the Great Wide Open.' He smiled, and found himself singing the words aloud. He really was driving into the openness of life. He had more options now that he had been abandoned by Ayla. More freedom. He was almost glad she had left.