aperture | d.h

t w o

| t w o |

The days come later and later. I miss summer. I miss the sun, the warmth. These days are short and miserable and bleak, and I spend almost all of them never seeing my own skin until I shower. Sometimes I forget I have arms and legs that aren't made of wool until I have to take everything off in the evening.

I wake up early today, so I shower in the morning for once, taking my time. I wrap my hair up and off my face, revelling in the hot water for as long as I can. The worst part is getting out - I shudder, chills running up my spine as I tie a towel around myself. Condensation blooms over the mirror, and so I only catch pieces of myself in the glass.

I change into my suit, and then I eat breakfast, alone, again. I think I'm getting sick of this routine. I used to love it - the freedom of living alone. But now the novelty of that has worn off, I am feeling the loneliness more and more. I need to find either a roommate or a boyfriend, neither of which was likely any time soon. Most of my friends from uni were spread all over the world, hardly any staying back in London. And a boyfriend? Well. There's a lot of reasons that's not even remotely likely.

I take the tube with the others, my coat hanging heavily on my shoulders, my arm sore from holding on so long. The doors exhale at my stop and I hobble off with the others, the wind biting at my bare cheeks, leaving them pinched and pink, eyes bleary with the cold following the cobblestone as I trotted off to my building.

I don't stop for coffee today, knowing that we will have a meeting, and I don't want to be the only one drinking coffee. So I tell myself to push through without the caffeine hit, and I pass Sallyanne, giving her the cordial smile, and step into the lift.

'Hold the lift, would you?' Someone says, and I recognise the voice. I look up and Dan does a little half-jog, half-walk to the open elevator doors. He gives me a big, breathless smile as he lumbers in. 'Sorry 'bout that,' he says, brushing back his hair from his forehead. 'Didn't want to be late for the meeting.' He nods to my empty hands. 'Didn't get the morning coffee today?'

'Oh, no, I, uh, didn't want to be the only one drinking coffee in the meeting,' I explain. 'I would have gotten everyone one had I known what coffee you and Caroline like.'

Dan nods. Quiet settles for a moment, and he glances over at me. The smile is back, but it's small, less distinct. 'So, how do you take it?'

I'm off somewhere else in my head, so I blink, looking over at him. 'Sorry?'

'Your coffee,' he clarifies. 'How do you take it?'

'Oh, um, cappuccino, usually, with one sugar. I tried to ditch the sugar but failed miserably.' Dan laughs. 'How about you?'

'Exactly the same. Even the sugar. I think everyone has a period in their life where they try to give up sugar in their respective hot drink and fail just as miserably.'

'Very true,' I say as the doors spring open. We walk together over to the office, where Caroline is already waiting, the door open. She waves us in hurriedly.

'Let's go people, I've got another meeting at nine,' she says, and so Dan and I sit down at the table with her. Akira, one of my colleagues, is here as well. Caroline gestures at him half-heartedly. 'Dan, Akira. Akira, Dan. Akira will be working with us on the technical side of the documentary. Natalie and I will be doing more of the planning side. Rachel will also be working with us, but she's in a meeting at the moment, so she'll be joining us shortly.'

I scrunched my nose up. I hated Rachel. I didn't often hate people, but Rachel was the kind of person that was difficult to like. If you know her for long enough, that is. She's the kind of 'quiet bragger', who essentially makes you feel shit about yourself in an almost unnoticeable, passive-aggressive way. She'd been in some of my uni classes, so she'd seen my being here as some kind of competition.

Dan nods along. We start going through the general points of the documentary, looking at content, angles, sources. I catch Dan's eyes on me for a moment, and he gives me a small smile. Caroline is talking about Twitter trends in the youth. I give him a faint smile back.

We wrap everything up two hours later, with a solid base of ideas and a few sources to chase up, which will mostly be my job. It's not my favourite, but it's a part of the job, so I take it. Caroline knows someone at Twitter HQ, so she says she'll ask them. It's also my job to track down some social media talent - as we're going, Caroline says over her shoulder, 'you can work through that with Dan. He'll have some contacts.'

I glance at Dan, nodding. He smiles at me again. We walk out, following Caroline.

'Our deadline is for the next meeting, in two weeks,' I say as we walk. I'm in heels today, and they click on the floor as we walk. I'm taller today. I like it. 'When you're next free, we should probably sit down at discuss sources-'

'What about now?' Dan says. I blink, looking up at him. He gives a nonchalant shrug. 'If you're free now, so am I. We could discuss now.'

'Oh,' I say. 'I mean yeah, that should work.' We stop at my desk, where I grab a few papers. I stand up straighter, glancing around. 'Um, I think there's a spare meeting room upstairs?'

Dan tucks his hands in his pockets. 'Well, I don't know about you, but I haven't had my morning coffee yet.'

A smile spreads over my face.

We sit up against the window, papers spread out between us. There's a ring of coffee staining one, where Dan let his cup sit for too long. We're currently throwing around names for some of the talent we need for the story.

'We need someone who's been affected negatively by social media, and someone who's been affected positively,' I say, sitting back in my seat. 'In the name of good, objective journalism.'

Dan smirks. 'Objective journalism. That's a joke nowadays, right?' I throw a pen at him, and he shrinks back, grinning. He sobers up. 'Okay. Positive and negative. I mean, any successful Youtuber is positive, I guess. For negative, someone who left the platform, or was excessively bullied for something.'

'Yeah, yeah, exactly,' I say, an idea forming in my head. I sit up, tapping my fingers on the tabletop. 'Like - I don't know, Tana what's-her-name. That whole scandal with her. The comment sections of her video turned into a ring of death threats and bullying. Would she talk to us?'

Dan shrugs. 'Mn. I'm not sure. Maybe. But she's pretty...polarising. Not a lot of people like her at the moment - I think viewers would react badly to it.'

I nod my head from side to side. 'True, true. Good thinking. Anyone else?'

Dan lets air out through his lips. 'Um...maybe...' He sighs. 'I don't know. I think I need some more time to research.'

I nod. 'That's okay. I haven't been much help.'

'No, no, you have,' he reassures me. 'I think I just need to ask around a bit. But I should have something by next week. Same place, same time?'

'Yeah, okay,' I say, and then we're standing. Dan pays for our coffees, which I thank him profusely for, and make him promise to let me pay next time. We stand just outside the café, and the sun is so bright today it hits me in the eyes. I hold my hand up to shield them slightly from the brightness.

'I'll let you know if find anyone. What's your phone number?' And so we exchange phone numbers, and he promises to do a little more research, as do I. As I stand in the lift, waiting for the doors to close, he gives me a slight wave from a distance. Just as the doors are closing, I bring up my own hand, giving my fingers a little wiggle. 

a/n

what is this? an update? i know. i can't believe it either.

if anyone actually reads this (lol) hope ya enjoy. i'm feeling some nat-dan action, although it makes me feel a bit weird since it kind of feels like dan is cheating on meg lol (if you've read Twitter). 

let me know how you like it, and what you want to see happen next!

xx