Trolly Book Reviews

Warriors: Midnight

Remember when I said this series never ends? I wasn't joking. First off, the artist for the cover is colorblind because green does not equal amber. Also, it says 4 seasons have passed, but Darkest Hour was leaf-bare, and this is greenleaf. And it's not 1 season because Firepervert's children aren't kits still. FUCKING BASIC MATH, IT'S NOT THAT HARD ERINS!!! Also, Rowanclaw has a sex change. Please ignore the random visit he made to the vet. The story begins with a reminder that Firestar and Sandstorm fucked. But that's a lie, we all know what ACTUALLY happened. Now starts the movie trailer. IN A WORLD WHERE THEIR HOME IS IN DANGER, 4 CATS-fuck this, this is a shit movie plot! StC goes to 6 random cats and says "Fuck you and what you want, save the forest!" These cats are BrambleBTWdidyouknowhe'sTigerstar'sson, Featherfallsovereverything, Crowsfuckingassholesliterally, and TawnyranawayfromTCcauseshe'safuckingwimp. But wait, there's more! There's also SquirrelFuckyouIdowhatIwant and Stormmateswitheverybody. Their goal: get to a place WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN and the sun drowns. Didn't go where you expected, did you? Cinderpelt, while looking for herbs, has a vision of a tiger jumping out of a fire. That's how the Erins tell you she found the herbs, by the way. The Fuck Everything In Sight Squad, or the FEISS, as they shall be called from now on, leave TO A PLACE WHERE-fuck I already made that joke. Firestar's all, "Oh no! I'm worried for them and shit! Let's do absolutely nothing about it!" There's a Gathering about it, but-"WE'RE DOING NOTHING WHATSOEVER!!!!!!" The FEISS travel. And travel. They fuck a twoleg child. Then travel some more. Then they meet Purdy, the most useless but important character you'll ever meet. The twoleg child demands more sex, but even the FEISS has a limit, and they run away. Suddenly, rats! AGAIN! They finally get out of twolegplace and Tawnypelt is injured. Suddenly they run into a badger badger badger badger MUSHROOM MUSHROOM named Midnight. She tells them everything is dying. Well, she's pleasant, isn't she? Meanwhile, back in the forest, THE FOREST IS FALLING!!!! The kittypet asks the kittypet what is happening because the kittypet used to be a kittypet and knows these things. Oh darn, they M Night Shamalamalamed me again! He actually knows JACK SHIT!