Broken || Dan and Phil

I'm done

Dans POV

Joey and I walk together to his locker after the lunch bell goes off. I can't even begin to explain the mood I am feeling at the moment. Seeing Phil for the first time in a week after him not coming to school really took me by surprise. I was angry at him. Angry that he was hiding away at home while I was stuck here in this shit hole of school that has no care for people like Phil or me. When I saw him all I wanted to do was yell at him, cuss at him, and blame him for all the problems he has caused for me here and at home. I wanted to, I even started to but the second he swore at me all of those angry thoughts I was feeling towards him disappeared and I felt nothing but guilt for feeling this way. It snapped me out of that anger and made me realize that I've been angry at the wrong person. None of what's happening at home or at school is his fault. He can't control my homophobic dad who is angry at me and even my sisters and yet I was so upset I looked for a source to blame and that was Phil. He is not the problem. It's everyone who keeps thinking he is when really they're the problem. I was angry at him, but now I am worried out of my mind because of the things I said earlier to him. I blamed him for something that he has no control of and that could have put more thoughts into his already unstable and broken mind. He didn't come back to our english class and I haven't seen him since I left him alone in the bathroom. That may have been a huge mistake. 

"Have you seen Phil since you talked to him in the bathroom?" Joey asks me once we reach his locker. I told him that I found him and tried to help but he kicked me out, but I didn't go into any details of what really happened. I shake my head. I look around the crowded halls, waiting and hoping to spot his black hair and pale skin walking by so I can stop freaking out wondering if he is okay or not.I know he's not, and that's why I am so worried. "Was Shane right?" Joey then asks. I confusingly look down at him. "Did he harm himself again?" He asks. My stomach drops to his question knowing that Phil broke his streak of months being clean. I don't say anything, and that is enough for Joey as his face turns pale. He looks back at his locker and puts in his combination. He then sighs and shakes his head.  "I didn't want to believe Shane." Joey says, his voice a little shaky. I didn't want to believe him either. I didn't think Phil would ever resort back to self harming since he regretted it, but I was wrong.

Why would he? Why would he throw away all of his hard work and break the clean streak he had for months? Why would he be so stupid? 

Joey opens his locker and places his text books on the top. He stares up at them for a minute before turning back to me. "Dan, can I ask a question?" He asks. I turn from the crowd and fully face him as I nod my head. "Why did you break up with Phil in the first place?" He asks. My heart skips a beat to his question. If it wasn't for my parents we would still be together and everything would be fine. 

"I just didn't like that I constantly had to help him." I lie to avoid telling him the truth. Joey stares at me with a blank stare for a few seconds before chuckling.

"Well I know that isn't true." Joey says, continuing to chuckle as if I told him a bad joke. He stops when he realizes I am serious even though it isn't the truth. "You are serious?" He asks. I cross my arms and lean my shoulder against the locker. I slowly nod my head. He studies my face, reading it like a book. He then shakes his head. "No. I know you are lying. You knew everything that has happened to him and knew how dependent he was on you. You were more than willing to go out of your way to make sure he was okay." Joey assumes. I uncomfortably move as I swallow to moist my dry throat. He continues to stare, waiting for me to finally tell the truth or to tell him this is the truth. I drop my hands a let out an annoyed sigh.

"It was my parents. They forced me to break up with him." I cave in. Joeys smiles knowing I was lying before registering what I said and his eyes widen in surprise. "My dad is homophobic. He never liked the fact that I was dating a boy and someone as depressed as Phil and forced him to break up with us after Phil came home with bruises."