Empty hands and broken promises are the only things I see. You left, you walked away from me, and you made a big mistake. We made so many plans, and I was hopeful for us; but at some point, I had to realize that things were not going to work.
Your name may have given me butterflies, and your smile may have made me feel weak, but the truth is that you were not a good person. You dreamed of exposing the people who went against you, and you told many lies to the people who loved you. Your past may not have been pretty, but that is no reason to why a boy should grow up with the dream of breaking someone like me.
Your eyes yearned to see death and you longed for blood to be spilled; you never defended the people who you said you loved, and you were a weak coward. You always challenged strangers to fights, only because you were searching for that little piece of yourself that you lost when you were a child. I don't know exactly what you were searching for, but if it was attention, you sure got it.
You played with my heart and threw me over your shoulder while you ran to the nearest cliff that you could throw me off of. You tried to kill me, and I don't know why I allowed it. I thought I saw the good in you but the truth is I just saw my own reflection in your eyes. You are a bad person, but that doesn't mean I don't have hope.
I hope you meet someone, who you really love, and I hope that they break every will to live inside your body. I hope they violate and expose you, and I hope you fall apart. I hope you learn that hurting people is not a profession and that you ruined love for me.
Ironically, I hope you put yourself back together, just like I did. I hope you open your eyes and see that the world may be cruel and unfair at times, but there are always second chances for people who understand. I hope you remember me and remember every cruel thing you said to me. I hope it burns you to the very core.
I hope one night you wake up with an intense craving for me, but it will be too late, and I will be okay with letting you know I don't love you anymore. I hope that one day you see me with the love of my life, and I hope it breaks your heart. I hope you grow up, and I hope you do before it is too late. I pray for your growth, but most importantly I pray for myself; I am still learning to love, and I have come to realize that I am the toughest person to love.
For this little time that I called you mine, I was so in love with you I forgot to love myself. I said hello to your body and disregarded mine. I disrespected myself, and I hated my being with such a passion, but the truth is I wouldn't go back. I do not regret loving you, or hurting myself; because this taught me to never forget who I am. When I rise in the morning, my first concern should be myself, not you.
One day, a very long time from now, I am going to look my husband in the eye, and tell him I love him, without fear of rejection. I am going to hold our newborn baby in my arms and understand that you are not by my side for the simple reason that you were not good enough. The truth is I am a jewel, and you are not here because you saw trash; you do not deserve me.
I am a goddess, a beautiful being, and you are simple folk, and I am way too complicated for your being. We came from different worlds, and I learned that I should not disrespect my culture by paying attention to the ways of a lesser kind. You were not good enough to read me your vows; reasons to why you are not valid enough to join me in a partnership called marriage. You were not good enough to hold my hand in a delivery room; the funny thing is you still aren't.
You are a disgrace to your parents, and I do not see the humanity in you. You are a truly evil human being, and even the fires of hell are not considered an exceptional punishment for a person as cruel as you. Your eyes were always cold, and I confused that with love. I apologize to myself. I accept my own apology.
You are a hideous being, and this has nothing to do with your outward appearance. Your vocabulary is compact, and your intelligence was not applaudable. I am done lying to myself, and I am done lying to you. You're an ugly person. That's the truth.
You never heard what I had to say, and you were obsessed with yourself. You had a better relationship with your right hand than me. Your nose is very large, and your lips are too big for your face. Your hands are soft, and your feet are small. Your confidence was extravagant for someone who wasn't that large.
I may have surrendered quietly, but the truth is there was nothing quiet about my retreat. It's very obvious that you're missing me a lot more than you planned. Is that why you're annoying me and blowing up my phone? You said you were done speaking to me, but my missed calls log told me otherwise. The truth is you are obsessed with me, and the fact that I am on the road to finding someone better makes you very upset.
The part of my heart where you once dwelled is now covered in ice. You either changed, or I didn't know you at all. I see you once a week now and it gets a little easier each time. You still make smile, but it's easier for you to escape my mind now that I see that you're insecure.
Hurting me might make you feel great at the moment, but I wish you well for when you finally grow up, and you have to fight your worst battle against your most hated enemy; yourself.
Writing this made me feel better, only in this moment. But it will be very soon where your name does not ring a bell, and your face does not bring back any memories of recollection. Soon, you will not be valid in my mind, even in who you made me become. Your initials will no longer be in my heart, but in fact, they will be digested, later turned into the body's waste.
In my world, you have no value. You exist, you just remain at the bottom of the social caste placed by the peaceful leadership of myself. In my world, you are just a shadow; dark and hopeless. I am entering my world now.
