The Woodlands (#1 THE WOODLANDS SERIES) (COMPLETE)

30. REVELATIONS

To say I was happy wouldn’t be the right word. It was more like, once I had made that choice, I felt released. Released from the angst of denying myself something I had wanted so very much. A pressure in my heart let out. I felt normal.

Joseph still irritated me, with his permanently cheery outlook and terrible sense of humor. That would probably never change. But I never understood why anyone would want to be with someone who was the same as them anyway. I think that would be the worst of all. Always agreeing, never having someone challenge you. I would die of boredom. But when he held my hand, or sidled up behind me and whispered in my ear, I disappeared into a bath of gold. I still thought of Clara constantly, but I was sure this was the path she had been trying to put me on ever since we were found in the forest.

*****

When we awoke, our confessions, our decisions, were laid out for everyone to see. But there was no interest in our sleeping arrangements whatsoever. I don’t know what I was expecting, perhaps a raised eyebrow or a sarcastic comment from Deshi, but none was forthcoming. It didn’t bother Joseph. Maybe they expected it would happen eventually. I don’t why it should have mattered, but I didn’t like the idea that people thought they knew what I was going to do.

After nearly throwing Hessa in the fire, I resolved to spend as much time with him as I could during the day. Not being able to sleep with him was hard and I was determined to make up for what I’d nearly done. I had almost finished my gift last night when I was interrupted. So I picked up the knife and carved the last details into her face and clothing while the others were eating breakfast.

There. I was done. Joseph put his hand over mine. I withdrew sharply, not used to allowing his touch. His eyes widened, worried that I had changed my mind.

“Sorry, old habits,” I said, turning to him and holding out my hand for him to take.

“It’s ok,” he said, slapping my hand away, “but that wasn’t what I was after.” He held out his hand, palm upwards. I placed her on top. “Wow!” he exclaimed as he turned it around in his fingers, tracing her hair and face, smiling to himself. “It looks just like her. Rosa, it’s beautiful.”

“Thanks,” I said shyly. I walked over to Deshi, who was arranging Hessa in the cradle. “Here, it’s for Hessa.” I handed the carved doll to Deshi. He eyed it suspiciously. “It’s ok; I used a really hard wood so even if he chews on it, it won’t harm him.”

Deshi took the doll, examining it carefully, and then smiled. “It does look very much like his mother,” he said as he held it in front of Hessa, who grasped at it and then proceeded to slobber all over her head. “You’re sure it’s safe?” he asked.

“Absolutely,” I assured him.

I left them to pack up, announcing that I wanted to collect a few things for the walk, some nuts and fruit I had seen growing a few hundred meters away. Joseph offered to go with me, but I said I would be fine. He could keep packing and I wouldn’t be very long. I walked towards the blossoms I had seen in the distance, hoping they would be wild apple. As I approached them, I could hear the soft padding of feet behind me. I felt the hairs on the back of rise, thinking it was an animal. I turned around slowly and was face to face with Alexei.

“You scared me,” I sighed as I moved to the tree to collect the fruit.

“Sorry, just thought you could use some help,” he said, unconvincingly.

“Um, all right, well just put the apples in your pack and I’ll collect those nuts over there.” I left him, but he followed me. I spun around and faced him, “What’s going on, Alexei, you’re not being very helpful. What do you actually want?” He obviously wanted to talk to me about something and I was never one to wait. I wanted him to get on with it. He fumbled around with his reader. “Spit it out!” I said, probably a bit too impatiently.